Bounty feature

The crying game

Crying is the main way your baby has to communicate with you when he’s unhappy. Gradually it will become easier for you to work out what he is trying to tell you, but in the meantime, here are some ideas that might help.

We look at

• Why babies cry
• Baby massage
• Taking your baby’s temperature
• Crying cures
• Swaddling
• Coping with crying
• If the crying becomes too much

All babies cry, and some cry a lot. Babies cry most in the first year of life, and most of all in the first three months. This is also the time when you are most unsure of your skills as a new parent, and it’s easy to worry that you’re doing something wrong if your baby cries. But even ‘normal’, ‘average’, entirely healthy newborns may cry for somewhere between one and three hours each day. They have to. It is the main way of communicating their needs. Some babies cry when they’re being undressed, when any of their senses are over-stimulated (such as by loud noise, bright lights) or if tickled, rocked or talked to when they’re tired, grumpy or impatient for a feed. Babies do not cry because they are ‘spoiled’. They cry because they need something. When your baby cries, it might be because he’s:

• Hungry Before your baby was born, he did not know hunger. Every single nutritional need was met before he felt it. Now, for the first time, he feels an empty stomach. No wonder he cries.
• Too hot or too cold It can help to check that your baby isn’t waking from sleep simply because he’s too cold (if his cot is against an outside wall, it may get chilly in the winter) or too hot (if he’s next to the airing cupboard and the water heater stays on all night). A room thermometer will help to guide you in this: the ideal temperature for your baby’s bedroom is around 18°C (65°F). Use blankets in the cot, so you can add or remove layers as necessary (see ‘Your one week old’).
  DO NOT use a duvet, quilt or pillow before your baby is at least a year old.
• Uncomfortable Like all of us, a baby will protest if his clothes are too tight, or if a wet or soiled nappy is making him uncomfortable.
• Tired Babies will often cry because they need to sleep. If your baby is crying because he is over-stimulated and needs a rest, then all that singing, talking and jiggling about may be keeping him awake when he needs to sleep.
• Wanting something to suck Some babies have a strong need to suck and gain a lot of comfort from it.
• Bored A baby can be lonely, fed up, and in need of a bit of entertainment, just like the rest of us. This doesn’t mean that he is ‘demanding’ or ‘attention seeking’ but is as much in need of a bit of socialising as you would be if you were tucked up for most of the day in a cot.
• Needing reassurance Some babies need a great deal of reassurance. Adults can be comforted by soothing words. For babies, words and sight are often not enough and they need the safety of close physical contact. Hold your baby if that is what he needs.
• Unwell If there are other signs that he may be ill, such as a rash or a high temperature, then always ask your GP to check your baby.

Baby massage
Ask your midwife, health visitor or another expert to show you how to do it, and check which are the most suitable massage oils to use. There may be baby massage sessions at your local clinic where you can practise the techniques with other mums: check the noticeboards or ask your health visitor. The massage will help to soothe your baby, and talking to other mums may help to soothe you, too!

Taking baby’s temperature
This can be done using a standard clinical thermometer held in his armpit for about three minutes. Remember to shake down the liquid column before use. These thermometers should never be placed in the baby’s mouth or put in his bottom. There are thermometers that measure the temperature inside the ear. These are very accurate but more expensive. Temperature strips are easy to use as they are placed on the baby’s forehead. They give a rough guide as to whether your baby is feverish, but they are not as accurate as the other thermometers.

Crying cures
Check all the obvious reasons why your baby might be crying, and if your baby’s particular need has been met, whether this is for milk, sleep, sucking, comfort or entertainment. The crying will often just stop, but sometimes it doesn’t and there just doesn’t seem to be any reason why it carries on. In this case, why not try:

• Letting your baby listen to the vacuum cleaner or washing machine; in these early weeks, ‘white noise’ will stop some babies crying.
• Swaddling (see below).
• Walking, or driving him round the block.
• Singing to him (he has no preferences as to which songs at this age).
• A baby sling so he’s close while you get on with other things.
• Getting a grandparent or relative to take over for a couple of hours.
• Music – whatever’s your favourite.
• Giving him some gripe water; it probably won’t make a blind bit of difference, but there’s always a chance... and washing the spoon will take your mind off the crying for a moment. Still crying? Check that your baby is not ill; see your health visitor or GP.

Swaddling
Many babies are soothed by being wrapped closely; this wrapping is called ‘swaddling’. It is a tried-and-tested method for soothing newborns as it can help a baby settle by making him feel safe and secure. Use thin material rather than a blanket so that he doesn’t get too hot, and keep his head uncovered. Once babies are about a month old, they don’t like being bundled up so much, and will probably kick off the covers. Don’t put a ‘swaddled’ baby asleep in a cot or your bed.

Coping with crying
Nobody can cope alone for long with a baby who cries a lot. Try to

• Share the crying times with your partner; take turns to try to comfort your baby.
• Take some time out; hand your baby over to someone else, even if it’s for just an hour. Ask a relative or neighbour if they can give you a break, to calm down and get some rest.

Don’t forget to eat well every day to keep up your energy. If a crying baby interrupts your evenings, make lunch your main meal of the day.

If the crying gets too much
If you feel so desperate and angry that you think you may shake or harm your baby, put him down in the cot or pram straight away. Make sure he is safe, close the door, and go into another room. Let yourself calm down. Give yourself perhaps 10 minutes before you go back. Even with help, there may be times when the strain of living with a crying baby gets to you. You may feel and think that you can’t take any more. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help; ask your health visitor if there is any local support for parents of crying babies. Some areas run a telephone helpline. An organisation called CRY-SIS also offers support through a helpline 0845 1228 669. You can talk to mothers who have had crying babies themselves, and know just what you’re going through.

For the next chapter, How You May Be Feeling, Click here