My Bounty

Go

Oops! You don't appear to be logged in!

Advertisement

Advertisement

Advertisement

Our partners

Bounty feature

Toddlers’ tantrums


A young baby boy crying
Wild child
‘My 16-month old is already throwing ‘terrible-twos’-style tantrums. What can I do to stop them?’

The fits of wild, seemingly irrational anger that have been dubbed the ‘terrible twos’ will be part of your life if you have a young child. They’re learning so quickly, and think they can do anything, but when they can’t stack those bricks or get their hands on that appealing-looking sweetie at the checkout, they don’t yet know of any other way of expressing their displeasure apart from losing their temper.

You don’t have to be two to have a full-blown tantrum – after all many full-grown adults have them. Tantrums represent a loss of control, and are the immature response to frustration, tiredness, boredom, hunger, over-stimulation or simply not getting your own way.

Once a child has the language skills to express himself and ask for what he wants, tantrums are less likely, though by no means over.

One of the most stressful aspects of a tantrum from the parent’s point of view is that they can erupt wherever your child decides to have one. An explosion of emotion in a public place is guaranteed to make heads turn and makes us feel awkward and embarrassed, giving your child’s tantrum extra power.

So how do you deal with them?
  • Try and prevent the tantrum from brewing or lessen its ferocity by recognising when your tot is over-tired, bored or frustrated by a game or activity – for example avoid taking him shopping before lunch or at the end of the day, and give him time to wind down before bedtime. Give him your full attention when it seems like trouble might be brewing, or keep him occupied – give him a toy, book or pack of raisins while he’s in the supermarket trolley or ask him to help you choose what to buy, for example.

  • Keep your cool. Tantrums are illogical – your toddler isn’t being naughty – he won’t know why he’s having one so there’s no use being cross with him. Instead, talk to him calmly, ask if he needs help with whatever he’s trying to do, and, after making sure he’s safe, leave him to let off steam for a few moments – or remove him from the scene if you’re out and about. Staying calm means he’ll recognise you’re in control when he isn’t, and will help teach him that being angry won’t get a reaction from you.

  • Show him you care. If he’s not thrashing about too wildly, pick him up and try and give him a cuddle – a pair of firm but comforting arms around your wild child may help make him feel secure and calm him down. But if he’s too mad for that, don’t try and force physical contact on him, just stay close by until he’s worn himself out.

  • When to say no. Don’t give in to all your toddler’s demands as this will encourage him have a tantrum every time he wants something he can’t have. But equally, try and avoid saying ‘no’ all the time as this will mean the word loses its value. Try suggesting or offering an alternative – ‘Instead of another biscuit, how about a yummy banana?’.

  • Be happy. Sometimes, if the tantrum’s not too bad, getting your toddler to laugh may help him forget about being mad. Try tickling him or singing a funny rhyme and his tears may well turn to smiles.
If you’re finding it hard to control your temper when dealing with your child’s tantrums ask your health visitor for advice.
Bookmark and Share

Advertisement

Weekly poll

With the festive season almost upon us, we'd like to know what best describes your attitude towards spending this Christmas? (Please select one option only)
Christmas is a special time of year, and we'll spend the same as always 
We'll probably spend as we usually do and worry about it in the new year 
We're not worried about spending, as we have saved in advance / have been spreading the cost 
We've got to be more careful this year, but the kid(s) won’t lose out 
We'll be cutting back this year