Bounty feature

• Avoiding tantrums
• 4 ways to cope with a tantrum:
• Tantrum solvers

Why do toddlers have tantrums?
Tantrums are emotional explosions, usually caused by anger or frustration when your toddler isn’t able to do the things she wants to do - climb that step, have that toy or put her coat on herself. Sometimes tantrums are caused by confusion or fear because toddlers have a limited understanding about the world.
Older children can do the things they want to do or at least talk about it, but toddlers often can’t express themselves - throwing a tantrum may seem the best solution! Some toddlers also learn that it’s a good way to get what they want and throw a tantrum whenever there is an audience.
Because toddlers lose control during a tantrum, they can scare themselves. She may scream and shout, fall on the floor, bang her head against the wall, throw things or hold her breath. (Don’t worry; it’s impossible for a toddler to harm herself with breath-holding.)
Once the explosion of frustration is over, she may well cry, and feel very sad and lonely. The whole experience can make you feel scared and angry, but your child needs you to stay calm and in control.

Avoiding tantrums
Your toddler may rarely have a tantrum, while others are prone to having several every week. If your toddler has a lot of tantrums, try to work out what might be the cause; tiredness, hunger, stopping doing one thing and moving on, such as going home from the park or leaving playgroup, could spark them off.
If you can anticipate the problem, you can try to avoid it. Make sure she has a drink or something to eat if she is hungry, or has a quiet time reading a book together if she is tired. If stopping doing something is the problem, try to make it attractive: play at racing to the park gates; go to see the pigeons/lambs/digger trucks on the way home from playgroup. If she is having tantrums often, look at her daily routine and see if there are ways to change things around so that life is easier for her. Some toddlers fall asleep after a tantrum, having exhausted themselves. This may be a sign that tiredness is partly the cause.

How many, how long?
Toddlers may have anything between two tantrums a day and three tantrums a week. Some have as many as five a day. Most tantrums last about three minutes, but the older the toddler, the longer they can last. Most children outgrow tantrums by the age of about five, seek help if your toddler is still having them often at this age. For further advice go to www.parentlineplus.org.uk Tel 0808 800 2222

When your toddler has a tantrum
The key thing is to deal with a tantrum calmly (even if you have to go away and recover afterwards yourself!) Try not to smack, shout or lose your temper as this only makes your child feel more frightened.
You also need to teach her that tantrums are not a good way to get what she wants. If she has a tantrum to get a chocolate bar or toy, and you give her a chocolate bar or toy, she’ll have a tantrum next time she wants one. You don’t want her to learn that tantrums lead to getting her own way.

4 ways to cope with a tantrum:

1. Try holding her firmly while she is shouting and kicking… but this may make her even more cross. You may simply need to wait nearby until the worst is over, and then hold her when she is crying and feeling sorry
2. She will need your comfort afterwards; a hug, a rock on your lap and gentle reassurance ‘It’s all over now, have a hug with mummy, let’s just cuddle for a while’ will help her calm down
3. Put into words how you think your toddler is feeling. She cannot express herself but if you say ‘That made you very cross didn’t it? And now you feel all wobbly…’ it will help her cope with her feelings
4. Take some time out yourself after the tantrum to recover.

For the next Your Toddler Guide Chapter, Potty Training, Click here