How to: Have date night with no baby-sitter
Date night is still possible even without getting a baby sitter
It can be a struggle to keep hold of the fact that you are a couple first and parents second. But you need to nurture that loving connection. Cultivating your coupledom keeps you happy – you can keep hold of the love and the fun you have always shared.
But it’s also important for the future - in less than 2 decades time your baby will have grown and flown the nest, and unless you’ve kept on cherishing each other and your relationship, you may find once they’ve left you could have little between you.
Babysitters are expensive, there are so many calls on the budget, and anyway - you may feel too tired to dress up and go out. So, hold the love with a regular date.
Night in
At least once a month, and preferably once week, agree tonight’s the night and it’s Date Night.
Prepare a menu
Shop for ingredients for your favourite dishes or come up with some new recipes. Get together in the kitchen and help each other cook. You might feel a takeaway would be a good idea and sometimes it will be. But home cooking from scratch is cheaper, far healthier and it gives you both the chance to be involved in a joint enterprise, and then show your affection in feeding your love with your own creation.
Prepare yourselves
Freshen up with a shower or bath and put on something special. Not your ultra-smart gear which may make you feel uncomfortable, but something you know looks good and can relax in – and splash on the cologne!
Set the scene
Break out the good cutlery and crockery, use table coverings and napkins (even pretty paper ones make a difference!) and candles. Plenty of candles. Did you know when you look at your partner in candlelight your pupils expand to see in the shadows? And when you get sexually aroused, the same thing happens? So when you look at each other in a candlelit room your unconscious mind recognises sexual interest, and responds. That’s why candles are romantic…
And begin with some finger food and snacks. Licking your fingers sends sensual messages too.
Put on your favourite music
If you can, arrange a play list with sexy tracks or ones that remind you of a special moment that puts you in the mood. Think about all those songs you share that may mean nothing to anyone else but send a message – maybe an explicit one – to a partner.
Don’t raise expectations of sexual gymnastics, however
You both may really be too tired to perform but snuggling and hugging lovingly with no pressure could be just what both of you want and need.
For an after dinner treat, find a film of TV programme you know will bring you together
Look for something with a sexy or romantic edge that might give you both ideas, or just make you smile, cuddle of laugh out loud together.
Bounty “Sex & Relationship” articles are written by expert Suzie Hayman. Suzie is agony aunt for Woman magazine, a Relate trained counsellor, and an accredited TripleP (Positive Parenting Programme) parenting educator. She makes frequent appearances on TV and radio and as well as writing 31 books, Suzie writes features on parenting, relationships, sex and couples counselling, for a wide range of national magazines and newspapers