Who makes the first move?
How to make the first move – tips for new mums
It’s the 21st Century yet so many of heterosexual women still maintain old, stereotyped habits and one of them is that it should always be men who make the first move. Men are expected to be the one to ask the woman for a date, to propose and of course to be the ones to suggest sex.
Yet it’s quite a weight to always have to risk rejection by asking. Men have to put themselves on the line in making the first move, and women aren’t always kind when they say no. Too many rejections and he gets dispirited and his self esteem takes a bashing. And then he’s likely to even stop asking.
What if you’re gay and still stuck in this heteronormative assumption? Fine if you’re both male but what if you’re both female? You’d never get it on!
So, it actually is the 21st Century! We want equality for women in the workplace, in politics and in the entertainment world – how about in romance and sex? Isn’t it time for women to be the ones to able to be clear to their partners – I’d like to make love to you tonight/in an hour or so/RIGHT NOW!
The myth and fears are that a man might be put off and feel she’s a maneater if she comes on, either strongly or explicitly. But would you really be happy with your partner if he was this anxious? The reality is that most men would love to be so complimented that she makes her feelings known. The vast majority would be up for it.
And there are so many ways to do it. The stereotyped approach of decades ago was for the homemaker women to signal her readiness by greeting hubby at the door dressed in something slinky, with a martini in hand. Well, that can still work, and martinis are back in style. But these days you can use digital media in the daytime to let your partner know you’re on the hunt for loving, whether one of you is at home or both out at work in the day. Send a sexy message, saucy meme or a suggestive photo, whatever rings your bells.
And as for what to put… A simple and romantic invitation to share some loving moments would do. As would a totally explicit message of what you’d like to do to them, and them to do to you later that day…but again heed the warning to make sure nobody else can see it. Or that your partner might collapse in giggles or hoots of triumph in the middle of a work meeting. You could send a coded clue – “Remember our night in Ibiza last summer? Want a repeat?” Or “I’ve a vid/film/pic I want you to see. Might give you ideas…”
Being the one to make the first move means you are several steps ahead in being aroused and ready for sex. Since women can take a longer time to travel from first step to climax – and maybe that’s because he’s always the one to suggest sex – this can often result in far better and more satisfying sex.
Don’t wait around – take control and see what it does for your sex life.
Bounty “Sex & Relationship” articles are written by expert Suzie Hayman. Suzie is agony aunt for Woman magazine, a Relate trained counsellor, and an accredited TripleP (Positive Parenting Programme) parenting educator. She makes frequent appearances on TV and radio and as well as writing 31 books, Suzie writes features on parenting, relationships, sex and couples counselling, for a wide range of national magazines and newspapers