A new baby can bring many elements to your family life – joy, and happiness, and of course, inevitable fatigue not to mention anxiety if you have an older child and are worried about how he/she will cope.

Sandra Hillier - area manager and parent advisor for Parentline Plus - advises how to make the transition from only child to elder sibling as smooth as possible.

How do I prepare my older child for a new sibling?

The key is to get your child involved in the pregnancy as soon as you start showing bearing in mind a week, never mind six months or more is a long time for a young child to stay excited about a new sibling.

When you do start talking about a new brother/sister, it can help to go through your child’s own baby pictures, and talk about your pregnancy with him/her, as well as read picture books about new siblings such as - There’s A House Inside My Mummy (Orchard picture books). All of these things can help prepare a toddler/young child for what’s to come.

Older children may feel left out, so get them involved with important decisions such as coming up with baby names, decorating the nursery and/or coming to antenatal appointments/scans with you.

How do I deal with their first meeting?

The best advice is to try to make sure the baby is in the cot or someone else’s arms when your elder child makes his/her first visit, so he/she doesn’t feel jealous and upset. Also be prepared for a range of emotions from your eldest – happiness to see you, but tears as well about being apart from you and seeing another child with you. It can also help to have a gift from the baby for your eldest to help smooth the way.

What if he/she shows hostility/aggression towards the baby?

Aggressive behaviour is a guaranteed way to get your attention, so the best way to deal with this is to try not to shout and lose your temper but think what’s behind the resentment. Does your child need more time with you? Are you shouting more quickly with him/her due to tiredness? Are you expecting too much too soon from him/her in terms of their behaviour towards the baby?

While it’s vital to make sure you protect the baby (never leave a young child and baby alone together), it’s also important to show your elder child how to interact with the baby in a safe way by demonstrating how to handle a baby, and play with the baby making sure you praise when he/she gets it right.

How do I deal with regressive behaviour – toileting accidents, clinginess, waking up at night and acting like a baby?

Regressive behaviour from an elder child is also very common when a new baby comes into the family. Rather than get angry and frustrated try to look at the emotional behaviour behind the action. Think, ‘What is this really about?’ Is he/she feeling neglected, or am I forcing him/her to grow up too quickly? Hard as it is try not to focus on the ‘baby’ behaviour and work on giving him praise for positive behaviour.

Having some alone time with you (and his/her daddy) on a daily basis will help your child to adjust more quickly and feel more reassured that he/she is not being side-lined in favour of the baby. During these times, let him set the agenda. Not only will this help him to feel that he has some control, but that you’re still there for him.

What can I do to make my eldest feel more involved?

Keep re-enforcing the idea that he/she is the big brother or sister and the baby needs him/her by involving him in everything you have to do for the baby. For instance ask him/her to help by bringing you nappies, even making the baby smile while you play together. At the same time acknowledge how much the baby likes/loves his eldest brother/sister and how important they are in the family. All these things can boost self-esteem and help your eldest to see that his position in the family isn’t being challenged by the new arrival.