Relationship problems since baby was born

Your questions answered by Elaine Hanzak of Greatvine.com

Since my baby was born four months ago I seem to be having relationship problems with the people who are close to me – I am horrible to them at times but can’t stop myself. What can we do?

Many studies show that those suffering from postnatal illnesses that have a strong support network and close relationships tend to recover quicker than those without. However, part of the illness affects your moods and personality in such a way that it is easy to alienate others, for example, being short-tempered, appearing to be stubborn and expecting everyone to read your mind!

Bringing down barriers

You are likely to put up many barriers to resist help such as feeling guilty, that you like things done a certain way, that you do not deserve help and you should be able to manage.

Try to overcome these barriers and you will find by reaching out, others will only be too happy to help.

Decide together what you need as regards practical and emotional support and delegate the tasks.
Try to keep calm using relaxation techniques, explain as clearly as you can what needs to be done and take a deep breath before you may be tempted to criticise anything which isn’t exactly as you wanted – remember there is more than one way to change a nappy!
Always remember to thank them – and remember that one day you will be well enough to help them when they need it.

Teamwork

Close relationships such as with your partner and parents can be very strained. A depressive illness at any stage in life is often hard to understand but following the birth of a baby everyone’s expectations are high and postnatal depression shatters them for all concerned.

One approach is to work as a team to help no-one feel isolated or alone, thus making matters worse. All of you need to get information and advice about the illness to increase understanding of it and accept it is not a personal vendetta! Communication is the key – expressing respective needs, listening and learning when the best time to approach things is.

Avoiding blame and criticism and accepting you all need space and time to relax are also crucial. Pride often has to take a back seat in preference of the main focus upon helping the new mother to recover with as much support around her as possible for a speedier recovery.

Elaine Hanzak

Following her own painful experience and recovery from the most severe form of post-natal depression, Elaine Hanzak advises mothers, health professionals and family support groups worldwide regarding principles of care for sufferers and approaches to treatment for post-natal depression. Elaine’s empathy and practical techniques have helped hundreds of women on the road to recovery. For individual advice and support from Elaine, book a private call at www.greatvine.com/elaine_hanzak

* The information in these answers is not a substitute for examination, diagnosis or treatment by a Health Care Professional. If you are worried, please consult your HCP.