Home alone with a newborn

Home alone with a newborn

In the last stages of pregnancy, most mums can’t wait to put work on hold for a while and spend those first precious weeks with their babies.

You’re happily resigned to a few sleepless nights, but staying at home can bring some new challenges you might not have considered, not least the lack of adult company. Strange as it seems, you might even find yourself missing ‘luxuries’ like that half-hour to read the paper on the way to work, or starting and finishing a task without interruption.

Keeping in touch

You wouldn’t change being with your little one for the world, but relationships do sometimes suffer if mums become dependent on their partners for contact with the adult world.

  • Some mums can feel that while their life has been turned upside down, things haven’t really changed for their partners, who might not understand that they are feeling isolated. “After the birth of my daughter I became a stay-at-home mum. It’s very rewarding, but can cause friction between myself and my partner because my days are mostly spent alone with the children,” says Bounty mum Kathryn. “Finding something exciting to do every day is not always easy.”
  • And dads can feel pressured if they are expected to become their partner’s entire social scene.

Not all bad news

The good news is, it’s not all doom and gloom. Plenty of mums find that once things settle down they wouldn’t have it any other way, so if feeling stuck at home is causing tension between you and your partner, try our tips to help smooth the transition.

  • Getting out and about will help you feel more human and take some pressure off dad if he’s your only link with the outside world. Breastfeeding groups, baby massage, signing or music groups are all a great way to meet other new mums, and you’ll have something new to talk about when your partner gets home.
  • Tell your partner how you feel. Try to spend some time together, or leave baby with them for the evening and catch up with friends and learn to be yourself again.
  • Hang in there - “Whether you feel too dependent, or too depended upon, remember that it’s not forever,” says Elizabeth Martyn in Babyshock! Your Relationship Survival Guide. “In just a few short years, life will open up again and many more things will become possible.”

 

Comments

Submitted by millyjones on Tue, 03/04/2012 - 21:56.
hi ladies,my son is 6 months old now,i am also mummy to a 5 year old girl. i can completely relate to how some of you feel,i feel like i have lost my identity,my only purpose in life is to do the school run and feed and clean the children. sometimes feeling nothing but despair and being on autopilot but i know this feeling well as i had it the first time around...and i know its so cliche to say...but it DOES get better i promise! us women are strong! once my daughter started sleeping through the night (starting a routine was immensely important for this to happen) ,i regained my patience & confidence and felt like ME again! :-) i know that if i can get through this....you can too! i was 17 when i had my daughter and am 23 now. i remember that no matter how tough things get...there IS light at the end of the tunnel so i wont let the world cave in around me.
Submitted by Rodnabell on Fri, 30/03/2012 - 22:59.
My little boys is also 6 months ... he thinks sleep is the enemy and has woken every hr for the last 4 weeks. If one more person tells me their child sleeps through the night, I will not be responsible for my actions. Can sleep deprivation be used as diminished responsibility? Perhaps Im my own worst enemy as I will not leave him to cry ... nevertheless... I am a mummy on the edge!
Submitted by Bungy84 on Wed, 03/08/2011 - 20:02.
My little boy has just turned 6 months and I have found it really hard been at home all day. I love him loads and wouldn't want it any other way but it's hard not to feel I've lost myself and have become just a mum! Where just about getting him to sleep though......the sleepless nights do end. I love going to groups where you can talk to other mums it helps me feel normal.
Submitted by AllNoviceToThis on Tue, 07/06/2011 - 22:14.
This message is for Hydie13. I laughed and then almost cried at your message because at times I have felt exactly the same and can understand the situation you find yourself in hun. However, I am on baby number two now and I absolutely love being a mum to my two girls. I stayed at home for almost 5 months with my first (who is now 2 and a bit) and I plan to return to work full time when my second child is nearly 8 (she is 6 months old now). With my first I couldn't wait to get back to work and with this one I am finding it hard to return, a) due to nursery costs and b) wondering how I will manage with the two and work full time!!! I can assure you that the sleepless nights will stop (well for most of the time anyhow, unless they are ill) and this is likely to happen when your baby is fully weaned and on regular solids. I still feel like I have baby brain, as my life is so chaotic with the two of them, but I hope that my brain will return once I get back to work and am beginning to look forward to returning full time. I will so enjoy popping into town ALONE during my lunch hours. But I will so miss my precious time with my two girls at home. I am one torn mummy. Wish I could have the best of both worlds but money is the route of all evil and if we want to keep our home then I have to return to work! Keep you chin up hun. Sara
Submitted by elliedecrew on Wed, 27/04/2011 - 08:42.
I have really felt the strain of having my first baby boy, who;s now 27 wks. I was full time working 6 days a wk 10 hour days setting up my own business and working, seeing 6-7 different people as a freelance stylist everyday and then going to nothing but caring for my gorgeous lil boy. i was getting out and about until we had terrible weather which forced me to stay indoors and unfortunately got anxiety through 'cabin fever' at home! Just trying to get back on track and not being a person that deals with tiredness well, i'm finding it a challenge but getting there. Like alot of people say it does get easier and it's not forever. I think i just presumed i would 'pop him out' and go back to my lifestyle...this never happens so you have to just realise in the end. Now starting to meet up with other mums and get about a bit more, also being lucky i can work from home so when my partner gets home from work my day starts, it's late but just having that 1 client a day (especially if i havent got out) just gives me a lil bit of 'normality adult chit-chat' and i honestly think thats what it's all about, getting that adult conversation going again :)
Submitted by hydie13 on Tue, 29/03/2011 - 19:22.
My firstborn is now 6 months. I went through a phase of being bored to tears (literally) being home every day so I signed up to a few baby groups and am now happier but completely exhausted. My poor husband still gets a baby thrust at him the moment he walks through the door, I used to try and do interesting things to stimulate my soggy brain, now I just head for bed. I hate this, I hate it when people bang on about how it gets better (referring to sleepless nights) because I haven't seen any improvement. I would rather be anywhere other than in this situation, I feel trapped, tricked (by all those banging on about how rewarding it is and they wouldn't have it any other way) and utterly fed up.
Submitted by victory10 on Wed, 16/03/2011 - 12:13.
I just want to say here that there is time for everything. A time to get pregnant, a time to give birth, a time to look after your baby and so on. sleepless night is not going to be forever, this is my assurance and it keeps me going.And I'd like other mums to do thesame. it will help. Motherhood is very interesting.
Submitted by YayYay on Wed, 02/03/2011 - 12:38.
have a look out for mother and baby groups.we have a couple in my area which run them for free every week.its nice to talk to other adults that are in the same situation.the baby also cries less when we are outdoors.i finished university and felt lost sitting at home.i'm now going to short courses such as home safety and positive parenting where there is a free creche so i can learn with my baby close by.
Submitted by karlynd on Wed, 17/02/2010 - 13:58.
I've just had my second child and for reasons we wont go into I was unable to stay at home with my first child. This time I have become a stay at home mum and I love it I missed out on so much with my eldest I am glad that I am getting the opertunity to see everything this time!