To routine or not to routine, that is the mother of all questions with a newborn. Mums have been known to get into heated debates about the pros and cons of setting a routine for a baby. Here’s what to know
What to know
A routine is defined as a ‘regular course of procedure’ by the dictionary. With a baby, that means doing pretty much the same thing at more or less the same time every day as regards feeding them, putting them down for naps, and settling them for the night.
New babies obviously don’t know about routine and that’s where the controversy starts. Some mums and baby experts believe you should follow your instincts, go with the flow and meet your baby’s demands as they arise. Others prefer to know what to expect and plan feeds and sleep times for their baby.
What to remember
- There is no right or wrong way when it comes to following or not following a routine, as long as your baby is loved and cared for.
- Routines don’t have to come from parenting books: they are part of our lives as children and adults. Even if you’re an ‘anything goes’ kind of mum, a pattern to your days will emerge, as Bounty parenting consultant, Eileen Hayes, explains: ‘As each day goes by, you are more able to predict when your baby will sleep, feed, or be awake and ready to play. This makes life much easier for you. You can help guide your baby into a routine by giving a pattern to the days and nights.’
- Mums may feel under a lot of pressure to do the ‘right thing’ by their baby, whatever that may be, and this can make you question your instinct or judgement at a time when you may be exhausted and are in need of support. The ‘right thing’ is what you feel is right for you and your baby.
- Ways to bring up your baby have changed, often depending on which childcare guru is in fashion: 50 years ago it was the done thing to feed your baby every 4 hours, 30 years ago a backlash against that meant fitting in with your baby became the way to do it. More recently, the maternity nurse Gina Ford’s Contented Little Baby book, which advocates a strict routine, hit the headlines because some mums were so passionately against it.
A lot will depend on what you’re like: if you’re easygoing, a timetabled routine is probably not for you. Bounty mum k8Moore says: ‘DD just made up her own routine and I just went along with it. She's in the process of dropping a nap during the day so I just go with it. She sleeps through now but she didn't have a routine till she was 10 months old, I just played it by ear.’
But if you like order, a routine may be just the thing, as Bounty mum toni2wright explains:
‘I’ve always had routines with my kids. We get up at the same time and have bedtime routines. I think it’s important for kids, but also me too, as I know what I have to do and when. My friend, on the other hand, has no routines with her kids and they are still awake at 10 pm and are only 4 and 2. So she makes me more determined to keep to mine, lol.’
When to start a routine
Whatever you do at first, at some point in the first few months you’ll probably want to get a bedtime routine set up to help your baby sleep through. Setting a bedtime routine will help structure your, and their, day: many baby experts and parents agree that as babies get older they prefer some kind of structure as it helps them feel secure.
By 6 months, they may no longer need a feed in the night – though it depends on the baby – but may find it hard to get back to sleep on their own if they wake up. That’s where a routine can help. Some parents prefer to try and get a routine started while their baby is a few weeks or months old as it can be easier to get a younger baby used to a new habit.
