Bonding with your baby may happen immediately, or it may take a while. Either way is just fine, as Bounty mums explain.

Bonding with your baby is a magical process. It’s the start of a love-affair between you and your baby, but it’s also vital for their development and wellbeing. For parents, it’s about loving, caring for, and protecting their baby, who will instinctively respond to their touch, affection and attention.

As one mum puts it, “it’s that unconditional love for your child – the ‘I will do anything and everything for you’ feeling.”

When bonding happens

There’s no one single moment when bonding takes place. Some parents have an overwhelming rush of love for their child the first time they hold them, but for others it takes a little time. New mums can feel under pressure if they don’t feel an instant bond, but like any relationship, it’s different for everyone, so if it doesn’t happen immediately, try not to worry.

The expert view

“Bonding with a new baby isn’t always an instant process. The more you touch, hold and get to know your baby, the more your love will gradually grow,” says Bounty expert, consultant obstetrician Richard Smith.

Tips for skin to skin contact

Holding your baby close after the birth is a really important part of getting to know each other. Ideally it should:

• Take place within 30 minutes of the birth.
• Be in a calm, relaxed and unhurried environment.
• Be for as long as you like (ideally longer than 45 minutes).
• If you have had a caesarean birth or cannot hold your baby at first, ask your partner or midwife to help you hold your baby when you feel ready.

What mums say

“It took about 6 months to totally bond with my son, and even then there were points when I wasn’t sure if I had. I didn’t "force" it, it took time and we got there in the end,” says Bounty mum JenyBingham.

“If I’m honest, I have only just started properly bonding with my baby and he’s 10 weeks,” agrees BusbyBage. “His colic has stopped, he is only up once in the night and he is smiling and ‘talking.’”

For mums who have had a distressing or exhausting birth, a special care or premature baby, or who are affected by other factors such as depression, bonding may not be immediate.

“With the C-section, first of all I did not know what to feel. I was looking at her with hubby holding her. When I was able to hold her and feed her, then it came ... she did not quite feel like mine before that,” says Bogiewalsh.

But for others, the delivery method didn’t affect them at all.

“I couldn’t have imagined before I had them how easily I would fall in love with them – with both of them it was instant,” says jymeemolly.

Don’t forget to look after yourself. Getting as much rest as you can in the early days will help you feel less tired and more able to cope with the demands of a new baby – and will help you to build your bond with them.

Dad bond

Bonding isn’t just for mums. New dad Peter says: “Nothing prepares you for the first moment you look at your child and they look back at you. A little later on, their first smile, their first ‘goo’ or ‘gaa’ is wonderful. These are amazing bonding experiences for a dad. Even in the toughest times, after sleepless nights, when you’re exhausted… when your child falls asleep in your arms, or pulls a funny face, all of this counts towards the relationship you start to build with your child each and every time you are holding them, singing to them or pacing up and down to get them to sleep.”

Bonding advice

If you have any concerns at all about bonding with your baby, talk to your midwife or health visitor as soon as you can to get the advice and support you need.

Tips to bond with your baby

Develop a bond with your baby by:

• Holding them close – start straight after birth if you can with skin-to-skin contact.
• Smiling at them.
• Stroking their cheek.
• Chatting to them.
• Bathing them.
• Singing to them.
• Trying baby massage