`For most kids, the bond with their grandparents is a special one. Who else gets to have all the fun, spoil you rotten and then hand you back before things get tough?

Many mums find grandparents to be an invaluable source of help and support, but for some, relationships can become strained once the little one comes along.

Here’s our survival guide to some of the issues you might face, and some tips on how to resolve them:

Childcare: setting the boundaries

Some mums say grandparents are the only people they would trust with their child, while others struggle to accept methods that are vastly different from their own.  So to avoid any misunderstandings it’s best to set a few boundaries at the outset.

• Be clear about what your children are allowed to eat or how they are expected to behave with their grandparents. It’s your right to establish your own rules about how your child is brought up.
• However, do expect to make some compromises and allow for a little natural over-indulgence every now and then. A little spoiling goes with the territory, but if you think it’s too much, say so.
• Remember that grandparents have lives too! While they love spending time with your little ones, they are likely to be busy with work and other obligations, so don’t expect them to be at your beck and call.
• Many new mums find themselves isolated from their families with grandparents living hours away – make the most of them when you see them, and if they’re just around the corner, remember how lucky you are that they will get to see your little ones grow up.

Bridging the generation gap

Differences of opinion on how you bring up your children are sometimes inevitable, given the rapid pace of information since grandparents had kids of their own.

What was unfashionable in their day could be all the rage now, with different approaches to weaning, feeding and discipline all likely to cause raised eyebrows or lively debate. But when it comes down to it, you all have your child’s best interests at heart, so:

• Try explaining why you do things in a certain way, rather than just expecting them to understand that things are different now.
• Show them articles or web sites you’ve read so they can see where your ideas are coming from. www.proudgrandparents.co.uk has lots of useful tips for grandparents, including updates on child healthcare, age-appropriate toys and which foods to avoid.
• Hear them out – there might be a good reason behind some of their own ideas, but you’ll never know if you don’t listen.
• Choose your battles. Set boundaries about the important stuff, but use your judgement and let small niggles go.

A battle for control

From visiting just a bit too often, or offering one too many suggestions about how you should do things – it might sometimes feel like grandparents are trying to take over.  Here's how to keep cool and help you stay on good terms...

• Grandparents are bound to be excited about your children, and will want to see them often. But sometimes you need time alone with your own family.  Agree a schedule for them to see the kids that suits everyone – they won’t feel like they don’t get a look-in, and you’ll be safe from unwanted ‘surprise’ visits.
• Bringing up children can be hard work, and it’s natural that grandparents want to help.  But sometimes what’s meant as  ‘useful’ advice can feel more like interference.   Gently make it clear that you value their opinion, but that you have your own way of doing things.
• Try not to reject advice out of hand.  Grandparents have a wealth of parenting experience, and whatever you’re going through, the chances are they’ll have been there at some point themselves.
• Remember grannies are mothers too.  Your mum (or mother-in-law) could be so used to mothering you that she finds it hard to down-tools now you have a child of your own.  Show her you’re all grown up and can make your own decisions when it comes to caring for your child – when your mum sees you are a confident and capable mother yourself, things will change.

Keeping the peace

All too often, what starts as a minor niggle can get out of hand and cause a rift which takes years to heal - more than one million grandchildren in the UK are denied contact with their grandparents.  Sometimes a clash is unavoidable, but take a deep breath and help keep your family a happy one:

• Don’t let things build up. A lot of resentment comes from wishing we had said something but didn’t, allowing certain situations to crop up again.
• It might sound easier said than done, but try to avoid confrontation or lengthy arguments – the last thing your baby needs is a shouting match.
• It is possible to say no without causing a row. Stand firm on the issues that are important to you, but be prepared to compromise at times and try not to blow things out of proportion.
• Don’t let any friction cause a rift between you and your partner.  Make sure your own family unit is a strong and happy one, and you will be better equipped to deal with your problems together.

If you want to know more from a grandparent's point of view, or would like to help your own parents with information and advice, head to BeGrand.net.