The arrival of a baby can put a huge strain on even the strongest of relationships. When you return to work, your relationship at home will go through another massive shift as you and your partner adjust to new roles yet again.

Mums' coach Amanda Alexander says: 'You'll have less time, less energy and less patience! Acknowledge this and be kind to yourself and to your partner. It's important to nurture each other and understand that you're both in this together for the long haul'.

You might be beyond exhausted trying to keep all the plates spinning as a mother and worker, and it's easy to neglect your partner.

A mum's view

As mum of three Sophia says: 'I'm a happier woman and a better wife and mother if I'm working. I was very isolated during the years as a full time mother. But our relationship has suffered as we don't prioritise "us time" as much as we should. The children get all our attention, energy, emotion and focus.'

And Lisa, a mum to two boys, warns that when you stop talking, the pressures on working parents can be unbearable: 'Having a second child was a disaster for my 17 year relationship. We had no family around and were both working and very tired, so we weren't having much fun. I have to take some responsibility for forging ahead with my own goals without considering his needs.'

So what can you do before you go back to work to make sure your relationship doesn't suffer?

Plan, plan, plan...

Sit down with your partner and have a calm discussion about:

• How will you manage all the daily chores when you're back at work?
• What expectations do you have of him? What expectations does he have of you?
• What are your needs and what are his needs?
• How will you deal with problems when they arise?

Keep the home fires burning

Do whatever it takes to have a weekly date night with your partner. This doesn't have to be outside the house, but if you're staying in, you must make it special and you must make it sacrosanct. Switch off the television, eat together, relax, laugh, light candles, talk, and try your best to keep the physical side of your relationship ticking over even when you are both shattered. A bit of passion can work wonders!

Learn to listen

Once a week, put aside half an hour after the kids are in bed to listen to each other. Take turns to just talk about what's on your mind, without being interrupted, for just 10 minutes. You might want to get things off your chest about work, express your concerns about the children, update each other on what your week has been like and what your plans are, say how you are feeling today. Really listen to each other. When you've both spoken, you can discuss anything that's come up if you want to, or it might be enough just to feel 'heard'.

Being a working mum can actually have a positive effect on your relationship. One mum, who works part-time in IT, says: 'I felt our relationship vastly improved when I went back to work as I was so much happier with my work-life balance. My husband reminds me frequently that I am still the primary career and if the children are ill I would be expected to take the time off, but it works really well and I feel supported by him.'

However tired you are, when you go back to work it's vital that you make time to talk and listen so misunderstandings and resentments don't grow. And try and avoid playing the game of who's more tired or stressed: remember, you're on the same team.