Pregnancy, giving birth, caring for a new baby and raising children are intense, life-changing experiences.

You need support, and no matter how wonderful your partner, your midwife or your family, nobody understands better than another new mum. Who else will you honestly discuss stitches, piles, reflux, and poo with?

Most of us make our close friends when we are younger – at school, college, university or work. It might seem daunting to start again – and you might even think you don’t need any more friends.

Mum friends

But having a new baby can be a lonely time, and the best way to handle being at home with a crying baby after a sleepless night, is to connect with another mum.

Mum of four Coral, says “Your mum friends understand what you are going through and are as tired and mad as you are! They also may be more understanding than your childless friends are when you’re being boring about your baby. My mum friends are very different to my pre-baby friends. You strike up truly special bonds with people over your first children.”

Read more on how having kids can change your friendships.

Just being able to talk things through with someone with a baby at exactly the same stage as yours is reassuring, whether it’s a problem or a developmental stage.

“You get a ‘partners in crime’ kind of bond,” says mum of two Emily. “Your mum friends won’t judge you for not coping and can offer support from experience”.

There are many places to make new mum friends:

• NCT ante-natal classes.
• NHS ante-natal and post-natal classes and groups.
• Local mother and baby groups run by other mums.
• Baby clinics run by your health visitor.
• Local church mums and babies groups.
• The park: wheeling a pram gives you licence to talk to other mums.
• NCT coffee mornings.
• Breastfeeding clinics.
• Sure Start mums and babies groups.
• Activities: Baby massage, signing, yoga, music classes.

Your local council website, local NCT representatives and magazine, and libraries are all good places to find out what’s on. Almost all of these groups are free or low-cost.

And, of course you can find mums with babies of all ages right here in the Bounty forums.

You might have to try a few different groups before you find one that feels right. It can be intimidating when you arrive at a new place where everybody seems to know each other, and some mums’ groups can seem “cliquey”. Try not to judge from your first visit and give it two or three visits to decide whether your first impression was right or wrong.

Here are some more tips from mums on making new friends when you have a baby:

• Smile, make eye contact, ask how old their baby is, and how they are finding things.
• Keep an open mind.
• Join groups, text and call people and go out for coffee even if you don't know them that well.
• Get out there! Speak to people. Make the effort - especially when you don't feel like it. If people ask you for coffee, GO!
• Get out of the house every day, and try and see your new friends every week.
• Be open and kind to everyone you meet, a fantastic friendship can development from a few pleasantries exchanged at the weighing in clinic”.

Mums’ coach Amanda Alexander (www.coachingmums.co.uk) says as well as viewing mum and baby groups as a source of potential new friends, you can use the opportunity to boost your confidence: “Many new mums take a knock in confidence and daring to go to a new place is a real achievement. Set yourself little targets, such as ‘I’ll speak to three mums whilst I’m there,’ and remember that it’s better to get to know one or two people rather than try to work the whole room.”

But, be choosy, she warns:

“The tendency is to grab at any new mum friend, as you have the obvious thing in common. But while this may bond us to a certain extent, we’re not all destined to click. Trust your instincts, and don’t waste your precious time on people who are critical, negative or who deplete you. Choose a small, strong network of friends who are a rock solid support team and who you in turn support.”

Your new ‘mum friends’ will enrich your life in many ways: shared memories and experiences, humour, support, company, and understanding. You’ll wonder what you ever did without them.