Reclaim your love life

Reclaim your love life

Reclaim your love life

In the shared excitement of pregnancy many couples think having a baby will bring them closer together physically as well as emotionally. 

But as you adjust to the new demands of feeding and changing on top of mounting household tasks, it’s no wonder you sometimes just don’t feel up to it.

With the added joys of sleep deprivation, physical discomfort and financial pressure, spontaneity and intimacy can be difficult to maintain, and before you know it they’re a thing of the past.

“No sane woman will sprint to have sex when she’s only had four hours sleep and/or is juggling motherhood with a demanding job," says Anita Naik, author of Lazy Girl's Guide to Sex.

The good news is that a renewed love life for mums is possible, but you will need a little creativity and a lot of determination to make it work.

Here are our top tips to reclaim your bedroom – and your love life.

Set the scene for romance

  • Turn your bedroom back into a room for grown-ups by creating a sanctuary free from baby clutter.  It’s hard to get in the mood when your libido was last seen lurking under a box of nappies in the corner.  It might be the last thing you want to do, but a clear-up, fresh bedding and atmospheric lighting can help create a space just for you.
  • Try to reach an agreement about the division of housework – you won’t feel sexy if you feel undervalued or that you’re doing more than your fair share.

Rediscovering intimacy

It’s common for new mums to feel like their body now belongs more to their baby than their partner and to have little interest in sex for a while after birth. Changing from ‘mum’ to ‘lover’ takes more than a quick change of outfit, and mums can often feel all ‘touched out’ at the end of a day of cuddling and comforting.

  • “A good sex life is possible if you make the effort to stay intimate,’ says Anita Naik.  This means keep kissing, and keep telling each other you find each other appealing.’
  • Don’t rush things. Be romantic and affectionate, without pressuring yourself to feel ‘sexy.’   You can still share intimate moments, perhaps with a hug, sensual massage or by taking a candlelit bath together.

Make time for each other

It sounds obvious, but if you want to rekindle that spark, you’re going to need to spend some quality time together. By the time the kids are settled after another busy day it can be hard to summon up the energy for a chat, never mind romance, so a little effort is needed to find ways to make it happen.

  • Schedule in regular dates, and take advantage of babysitters to get some time alone. Grandparents or aunties will be more than happy to spend time with your baby, and giving them a regular routine will make life easier than calling on them with no advance warning.
  • Not everyone has an army of relatives nearby, so take up any offers from friends and neighbours. You might feel strange about leaving your little one for the first time, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be, so try starting off with just an hour or so to begin with.
  • You don’t have to paint the town red - a quiet dinner, long walk or intimate chat can work wonders. And if you’re too tired by evening to enjoy each other’s company, why not let granny take baby for a few hours on Sunday so you can spend some special time together, even if it’s just snuggling up in front of the TV?
     

Dress sexy to feel sexy

With all the pressure to become a ‘yummy mummy’ it’s not surprising that physical changes after childbirth can leave women feeling less than gorgeous.

  • Treat yourself to underwear that makes you feel like a woman as well as a mother.
  • Make the most of your new shape – trying to cram yourself into pre-pregnancy lingerie will make you feel worse, not better, so buy one or two new pieces that flatter your curves.
  • Remember your shape will continue to change for a while, so don’t spend a fortune until you’ve really settled into your new skin.

Comments

Submitted by chaachi on Fri, 03/02/2012 - 10:04.
my baby boy is 4 and a half months.i had an episitiomy too which took quite alot of time to heal.for the first 4 months we didnt do sex at all.but now we feel like doing it n we feel t b normal in sex life.hav done few times in a week.....my boy wakes up for feeds evry 3 hours even then when he sleeps we enjoy.i just want to say to those ladies who r not interested or nt bothered to please bother atleast for the sake of your hubby n ur relationship...before it gets too late...for those who hate their bodies...i was n partially am the same but i started to think the other way....instead of hating the body n ruining my own life n my hubby's when he's feeling sexy but i turn off by the glimpse of spider veins on my thighs,terrible stretch marks on my flabby n fat n wrinkly tummy even after 4 months n d skin of my whole body which has turned extremly dry n pimply, y not work to make the body worth loving.....so i changed d way of thinking... n now im trying to get my body back...i have seen my sis's stretch marks almost invisible only by excessive moisturization, s i moisturise my body whenever i get d chance...n have bought firming lotion for wrinkly tummy...n try to take care of my dry skin....only thing that i dont understand is when can i shave or wax my legs n arms lol..........anyways so work for getting a body u can love rather than hating what you have....i already hav git d confi to feel sexy even with the described body so y cant u? just love what u have..it will gradually chng bk to norml n about tiredness....sometimes...only sometimes just dont bother to clean the floor,dishes n cook. n instead of those things take rest so when the baby sleeps u have enough enrgy to mess about wid ur hubby ;) or just do those works more frequently, like washing dishes evrtim u get tim, so at night washing 10 pieces will not mk u tired.....or at one time when u cook cook 2 dishes...one to freeze for d weekend ;) n all that try to work things out somehow for the love of your life :) one more thing...i get a better sleep after sex n my baby sleeps well too wonder how n y .... im breastfeeding may b a link
Submitted by EmmiBunny on Sat, 07/01/2012 - 22:53.
It really helps to read other peoples experiences on this topic, as it's a difficult subject. I had my little girl 7 months ago and lost most of the weight quickly, but seem to be putting a bit back on again. I have stretch marks and the other unpleasant, but seemingly permanent changes and to be honest I really hate my body now. I always used to be comfortable, I just felt ugly, but now there is almost nothing I like about myself physically. My husband has been amazing and tells me all the time I am beautiful and sexy, but it doesn't stop me feeling this way. We have sex a couple of times a week, but it's much less sexy that before and always in the dark! I just wish I could learn to love the new me, but I can't see that ever happening :(
Submitted by RobynMK1 on Wed, 21/12/2011 - 21:30.
I have not long had my 1st and was worried about sex afterwards and not feeling like it as me and my fiance had a very active sex life even through my pregnancy. But found no problem wanting it even but for 1st weeks we did as this said cuddled n kissed n told each other we wanted one n other but still dont feel sexy due to the masses of stretch marks on my tummy which is stil really wobbly n on my thighs. Also had a section so contious of my scar n how my belly now hangs slightly. Think gaining your sex life back is to do wi confidence and accepting your new body - am slowly getting there
Submitted by areujoyful1 on Tue, 13/12/2011 - 23:36.
Hi guys! I just wanted to put my pennies-worth in! My lo is m 12 1/2 months and only now I am really starting to get my labido back! My hubbie and I have had sex about once a month for the first year, mostly because I had an episiotomy so it would sting everytime we did it, even up to about 6-7 months. Also, I have awful stretch marks on my now HUGE and very wibbly belly, which did not help to make me feel sexy AT ALL!! But I also now have an underactive thyroid, which was diagnosed by chance (i went to see my Dr. about something else and it came up on my blood test!), and was making me feel truly AWFUL!! I was feeling exhausted, depressed, achey, tearful, emotional, cold, my skin was pasty and I was getting spots (another very un-sexy condition!), I felt cold and even though I was back to my pre-baby weight 2 weeks after birth I'd gained 21lb back in a few months! But I am now on thyroxine and after a bit of a bumpy start I feel I am getting back on track! My point is there may be something else going on, so if you're concerned see your Dr. Also ladies if you're worried about your looks, do it with the lights off! TALK to your other half!! I had to tell my husband how awful I felt physically, before he started to do more stuff around the house, but man do I feel all the more loved for it and happier with him. I would also let him lie-in on his days off, but then once he was up, I went back to bed for a kip, quick or otherwise! It also gives him more time with his little boy. And time to yourself is important and I make sure I go out for coffee on my own periodically - a baby is a joint responsibility and he is more than capable of looking after his own child. One more thing is men rarely do subtly, and almost never read minds as we women can tend to expect them to. If you want him to be spontaneous then TELL HIM!! They don't take hints and, unless they're exceptional you will NEED to spell your needs/desires out to them!! And trust me, men want to have sex, they want to have sex with the woman they love and they will be willing to do a lot of things, if it means they get what they want. It's therefore a win-win ;) Those are just a few things that helped me and to be honest, I feel happier and closer to my husband when we have more sex. All the best ladies xx
Submitted by luci13 on Wed, 07/12/2011 - 21:58.
I have no sex life or interest in it after having children. Look at the big picture here: fatigue, work, a house that's a tip, and in my case no family or support locally... compare with pre-children: rested and going to gym regularly, eating well, being spontaneous and going to places of mutual interest with partner. Having time to apply make up and worry about what clothes to wear, having reasonable figure etc,etc...is it any wonder I don't give a monkey's about sex now? Even as I write this my toddler (who I've put to bed 3 times already) is telling me (again) that she needs a poo-poo which isn't coming. Ah the mood is truly set. I'm right there in the zone now. I shall ravage my husband tonight...
Submitted by dannimorgan on Tue, 06/12/2011 - 23:50.
I had our son just over 9 weeks ago by emergency c section, since then I have hardly felt like my old self, and certainly not in the mood for sex! I have lost most of my baby weight already but the main sticking point for me is the 'overhang' I've been left with on my stomach from the c section. The scar repluses me and I feel like I've been butchered like a side of beef. My partner says its to be expected after a second baby and a c section (I had my 1st naturally) and he says it doesn't put him off me!, but I hate it more than words can say.... I feel like crying when having to look at it, clothes don't feel comfortable let alone wanting to 'dress up' in slinky underwear or get naked!! Does anyone have any advice???
Submitted by nabanks on Wed, 07/12/2011 - 16:59.
I've not long had my first baby. He is now 5 months old, and yes I have put myself out for my partner to regain our sex life again, but at the same time I don't feel sexy like I used to anymore, which does put me off when we start to do stuff, coz all this goes through my head at the same time, then I think in different down there, even though he says in not, I feel that I am. I have gone from being 32c bra size right down to 32a which does help, I feel that im constantly losing weight but I want to gain weight :-( nothing seems to be helping. I have told him how I feel about my body and he says my body is fine there's nothing wrong... But I don't like it and I don't feel sexy anymore!! He doesn't know what goes through my head though before sex I haven't told him that, coz he will say im just being silly.... Is it normal to feel like this..????? I look in the mirror and I feel like crying coz of how my body looks now. I think I suffered with depression after having my little one coz all I done was cry. But I don't know if this is all part of feeling like this after having a bang aswell, or is it just me..???????
Submitted by Redwych on Tue, 29/11/2011 - 22:02.
I have 7 year old twins with my ex and never went off sex during pregnancy or after. When I have birth I was 15st 4lb absolutely massive but was back to about 10st 7 by the time they were 16 months. Now have a 13 month old little boy with new partner and am 4 months pregnant again!! I am knackered with the twins and my little boy but I just absolutely adore my boyfriend. I was lucky and had good births and no stitches either time and after my boy was born our sex life more or less went back to normal after a few weeks. The thing is I think that we always seem to put the emphasis on us and how we feel be it fat ugly and all the rest of it but our partners still love us and know that our bodies have changed because of the beautiful little child we've grown. I think the quicker you get back to it the better really. I know we all feel tired but at the end of the day sex is exercise and it gives you more energy just like going to the gym or workout videos etc. Also, it helps raise out serotonin levels and gets us in a better mood and frame of mind; you and your partners, that is. It also keeps the closeness between each other and they will feel special when you want to be near them and be intimate and make love to them So all round I think the more effort us girls make to getting back to sex the better for everyone! So all those of you who are worried about what your partner thinks of your changed body or those of you that are too tired or just can't be bothered, stop worrying, wake up and be bothered, I promise you it will be worth it :-))) xxxxxxxx
Submitted by Redwych on Tue, 29/11/2011 - 21:59.
I have 7 year old twins with my ex and never went off sex during pregnancy or after. When I have birth I was 15st 4lb absolutely massive but was back to about 10st 7 by the time they were 16 months. Now have a 13 month old little boy with new partner and am 4 months pregnant again!! I am knackered with the twins and my little boy but I just absolutely adore my boyfriend. I was lucky and had good births and no stitches either time and after my boy was born our sex life more or less went back to normal after a few weeks. The thing is I think that we always seem to put the emphasis on us and how we feel be it fat ugly and all the rest of it but our partners still love us and know that our bodies have changed because of the beautiful little child we've grown. I think the quicker you get back to it the better really. I know we all feel tired but at the end of the day sex is exercise and it gives you more energy just like going to the gym or workout videos etc. Also, it helps raise out serotonin levels and gets us in a better mood and frame of mind; you and your partners, that is. It also keeps the closeness between each other and they will feel special when you want to be near them and be intimate and make love to them So all round I think the more effort us girls make to getting back to sex the better for everyone! So all those of you who are worried about what your partner thinks of your changed body or those of you that are too tired or just can't be bothered, stop worrying, wake up and be bothered, I promise you it will be worth it :-))) xxxxxxxx
Submitted by Redwych on Tue, 29/11/2011 - 21:56.
I have 7 year old twins with my ex and never went off sex during pregnancy or after. When I have birth I was 15st 4lb absolutely massive but was back to about 10st 7 by the time they were 16 months. Now have a 13 month old little boy with new partner and am 4 months pregnant again!! I am knackered with the twins and my little boy but I just absolutely adore my boyfriend. I was lucky and had good births and no stitches either time and after my boy was born our sex life more or less went back to normal after a few weeks. The thing is I think that we always seem to put the emphasis on us and how we feel be it fat ugly and all the rest of it but our partners still love us and know that our bodies have changed because of the beautiful little child we've grown. I think the quicker you get back to it the better really. I know we all feel tired but at the end of the day sex is exercise and it gives you more energy just like going to the gym or workout videos etc. Also, it helps raise out serotonin levels and gets us in a better mood and frame of mind; you and your partners, that is. It also keeps the closeness between each other and they will feel special when you want to be near them and be intimate and make love to them So all round I think the more effort us girls make to getting back to sex the better for everyone! So all those of you who are worried about what your partner thinks of your changed body or those of you that are too tired or just can't be bothered, stop worrying, wake up and be bothered, I promise you it will be worth it :-))) xxxxxxxx
Submitted by rachellouisexx on Wed, 16/11/2011 - 15:00.
wow!! my sex life also seems none existant my little girl is 5months in 7days!! i have had sex a couple of times since having my little girl.. but i just dont feel up to it as much,, i used to be a sex freak lol... i also think it has something to do with the depo injection this happened last time i was on it,, :S hopefully me and my partner will get it back on track soon, x
Submitted by LavenderWeb on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 23:19.
Hi everyone. After reading a bunch of your comments I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one. Some women's story are almost identical to mine! I have a 13 month old and I feel like I have lost who I am. I seem to be nothing else but a mother and maid. I can't shift my pregnancy weight and sex is no longer even talked about between myself and my partner. Even he has stopped bothering much with it, and when he does, it's always that whole, 'shall we have sex later' line. Try romancing me, make me feel appreciated and be spontanious!! Taken for granted, seems to sum it up. It doesn't help that I had a very rough labour and things down there have never been right since and I don't think ever will be. When I try to talk to my partner about our relationship, he listens, but nothing gets resolved and we end up carrying on as we are. I'm always so tired and I feel stressed, fat and lonely. Having a baby has changed us so much, way more than I had imagined it could, and I'm afraid it may have changed things too much...
Submitted by creamlucci on Thu, 20/10/2011 - 09:55.
My little one is seven months now and my love life went back to normal just 2 month after he was born. My little one started sleeping for long hours since he was 5 month and still does. So we've got loads of time for each other when he gets back from work especially at the weekend because baby spends most weekends with my aunt who is like a second mum to him. I shop for sexy undies and try to dress sexy and also feel good with my self! I think its just a thing of the mind.
Submitted by ChiaraLD on Tue, 11/10/2011 - 22:19.
My second child is now 13 months old. I do my best but I guess, like all of you, I don't always feel like it. As far as I have read the comments, you seem to have all said it all. I just wanted to encourage you... it IS worth making the effort in the long run... It's worth it for your child! It's worth it for your relationship, it's worth it for you!
Submitted by rufus2102 on Wed, 21/09/2011 - 19:24.
My God, I'm so glad its not just me!! Sisterjules I am totally where you are at right now. Only had sex about 4/5 times since my 13 month old was born. Would so rather just snuggle into pillow than snuggle into husband and I feel so terrible about that! But like you, soon as the hubby says shall we do 'it' tonight, I find that such a turn off!! Just get on with it and I'll join in!! Your text really could have been written by me! Where have our libidoes gone eh?
Submitted by sisterjules on Tue, 20/09/2011 - 19:01.
It is like a breath of fresh air to read some of the comments ladies have left over the past 12 months. Since my baby was born (12 months ago) I think we have only had sex 2 or 3 times, now it seems to have become stale mate. Neither of us mention it. My husband gets a little uncomfortable when it comes to discussing anything remotely intimate. But I get so annoyed when he 'asks' if we should have sex that puts me off completely before we've even started. Now he never asks and I never make a move because to be honest I'd rather snuggle into my pillow and go to sleep after reading a book. I think about it a lot, but I really can't be bothered. I am becoming more aware that in the long term it will have an affect on our relationship but I can't bring myself to do anything about it. If he was a bit more spontaneous, made me feel gorgeous and made the effort for me then I'm sure I could be encouraged. But if he doesn't make a move then I never will either! We're doomed I think! I Have no libido, I can't seem to find it anywhere!
Submitted by luckylady040311 on Tue, 30/08/2011 - 19:32.
Im finding really hard to find time to get my body back in to shape dose anybody have any advice or tip?
Submitted by carolve89 on Fri, 05/08/2011 - 21:08.
to be honest i feel a bit scared... dont know why??? my LO is 5 moths old and he's so good at sleeping time:) so my partner will be very affectionate towards me and he is great he tells me that i'm beautiful and he loves me but i just feel so ugly fat and worried and at the same time i feel so guilty because i dont want to make him feel bad but is just so difficult:S
Submitted by leenoo on Wed, 06/07/2011 - 16:42.
Interesting
Submitted by littlemissmumtobe on Tue, 05/07/2011 - 21:03.
It's been 5 months since my baby was born and it's been several months on top of that since me and my partner have had sex. It's impossible at the moment as when they repaired the perinal tear I endured they over stiched me and now I'm too narrow. I just hope I get to have my Fenton's Procedure op soon and start getting some sort of seblence to a healthy adult relationship
Submitted by RachelJ5690 on Thu, 30/06/2011 - 15:00.
Hi, even though i have gon back down to a size 10 i still dont feel attracive yet i buy all the sexy underwear and nothing. my partner still wants me as hes up for it everynight but i hate feeling this way.x
Submitted by mybeautifullife on Wed, 22/06/2011 - 05:36.
Hi, I just wanted to say that it proves what weight we gain and stretch marks we get or don't get clearly aren't the cause for our loss of feeling sexy and confident, as I was size 8 before pregnancy of my second daughter who is now nearly 5 months old my other 2 and half, I am now a size 8 again (with a squashy tummy!!) have no stretch marks and a partner that wants me sexually....but I still feel frumpy, un sexy and totally exhausted! When your baby wakes 4x a night and your toddler plays all day no nap, breast feeding a baby who won't take a bottle and a partner on the road with his band life is challenging! Especially when partners life away from home is full of glamour and fun... I guess (hope) it's just time!?x
Submitted by Munx82 on Tue, 21/06/2011 - 21:04.
All I can say is thank you to you wonderfully open and honest women out there!! My daughter has just turned 1 and I went back to work wen she was 7mths old full time! I have moved in to another Job more stressful but more career progression so sex is not on my mind much! We don't have much of the intimacy and romance and just get on with it most of the time which is hardly romantic!! I'm sooooo tired all the time and stressed with the constant mind battle of 'am I being a good mum' and not putting my carer first- it's a fine balance and almost impossible juggling act.
Submitted by Frannypan on Thu, 02/06/2011 - 22:38.
hey everyone!! got to say its great reading some of ur comments cus i now know im not the only one feeling like i do.... I had a little girl almost 5 months ago and my body is ruined. before having my baby i was a size 8/10 but now size 14 and have really suffered from stretch marks! I dont feel sexy in the slightest and really cant stand my boyfriend seeing me naked. We have only had sex once since my baby was born which was great but since then nothing has happened between us. As i dont feel sexy i cant bring myself to make a move but i cant understand y he isnt making a move on me?? I feel its because he cant stand to have sex with me now my body is in such a state! He gets very embarassed talking about things like sex so i havent even tried talking to him. My partner has a stressful job that probs isnt helping but i dont know what to do and unsure if it will get better.... any suggestions?? xxx
Submitted by jessicasunshine on Wed, 25/05/2011 - 20:19.
I feel so much better to know I'm not the only one who never seems to be "in the mood" anymore! I hope it's not a permanent change! I have to say to all the people who're feeling low in confidence - don't! You have earned your post-pregnancy body! Love your body - if anyone else has a problem with it - it's THEIR problem, not yours. (I've had twins so mine is far from what it was and although it would have bothered me in the past, I don't let it now, they're more than worth it).
Submitted by erika3204 on Tue, 17/05/2011 - 20:45.
Hi dutchgabriella & michelle i know wot you mean i have a 3year old & a 13month and since giving birth im just not interested in sex at all i love my partner too bits but i just physically & mentally can not be bothered my body has changed soo much and i just dont feel sexy at all im also always tired as housework and 2 very demanding kids dont help i try talk to my partner about things but he never listeneds he just thinks tht i dont love him or i have gone off him which is not the case at all iv read loads of things on the internet and it says it often returns but takes time i think men just think once babys born after a month things go back to normal which is far from wot will happen men dont understand the physical & mental side we go through after and during birth there bodys dont change like ares do and its not them tht have to go through the emotional side of it all either and no matter how much we try talk to are men they never EVER listen iv told my mr tht there is thousands of women out there tht are going through same thing but he always says wotever x just hope we all get are confidence back in the bedroom and start to feel sexy and im sure we will just takes time x x
Submitted by dragonlovershelly on Wed, 16/03/2011 - 01:55.
Hi Michelle, my name is Michele also!!! Your man seems to be selfish as most are! Confidence will only come from yourself you will never get that from no one else! I was 15 stone 5 oz's after my son was born 13 months ago, I have lost 2 1/2 stone thanks to slimming world and have regained alot of lost confidence. You need to do what you think is right for your own self esteem regarding him mentioning stretch marks that is just nasty! He should look at his own personality as that's just mean!!! All our bodies change with age let alone when you have a baby!!! I'm pretty sure u are a beautiful person both physically & mentally & your children will love you forever because of that. Don't let anyone tell you different!!!!!!!
Submitted by michelle2422552 on Thu, 24/02/2011 - 09:10.
i have a 13 month old daughter and a step son who is 4 and i can honestly say my partner is less than helpful with them, I'm not interested in sex because i feel unvalued, and unsexy and it doesn't help when he points out my stretch marks and that i need to lose more weight, I'm insecure about my body anyway, he wants sex but i just don't, all in all I've tried making him understand but its like he's not listening? don't really know what to do, any help is welcome xx
Submitted by foxyfoxy on Wed, 26/01/2011 - 12:47.
We are lucky enough to live close to my parents and sister, so when we have a meal out/cinema etc we nip back home for half an hour before we pick up the baby (he's now 5 months) - means we get a little bit of time where we don't have to worry about distractions! It's not about the quantity, as long as you try to keep some of the closeness that's the important thing. Once you lose the physical contact that's where things start going wrong.
Submitted by DutchGabriella on Tue, 02/11/2010 - 20:16.
Hi , i know what every one feels ....i always been insecure about my body and when i was pregnant my hubby didnt want to have sex.... when i felt ugly and huges he dindt want to know me and that was really hard ! when you need your man to make you feel good he really didnt... and now with a bit of jelly belly and a few stretch marks i really want to have sex but it just does not feel right anymore ! and it afffects are relationship... and talking to him doesnt help.... any suggestion ??
Submitted by Digitsmum on Tue, 13/07/2010 - 22:18.
me and my husband have been through a tough 2yrs and the romance in our lives has taken a serious hit! and since having my son 5mths ago my body has become ulgy and huge!!! i hate looking at myself in the mirror and now i just hate the thought of my husband looking at me nacked he's always telling me how beautiful i am but i just dont believe him and usually shug off any nice things that he says. its just so hard to feel sexy i want to be imtimate with my husband but its so hard to relax and let go.
Submitted by Mrsbrown1989 on Fri, 27/08/2010 - 15:55.
I have the same problem I'm still pregnant and cannot even cut my toe nails any more (so my husband does it for me) he also has to shave my legs for me which isn't the sexiest thing ever. I felt so fat and jellyfied I didn't want to have sex. But then my husband told me that its the sexiest thing ever because "it makes you a real woman" I didn't get it at first but when i asked alot of my other male friend about how they felt with there girl friends and wives they said the same thing it was sexy knowing that this person has had your child and how womanly and feminine that is. one even said her gets turned on when he sees his girlfriends stretch marks now. plus you don't have to be completely naked as a little mystery adds to the sexiness.
Submitted by popoa08 on Thu, 01/07/2010 - 17:06.
Cherry lime. Thankyou so much.. at least im not alone.. same with my husband.. he is so understanding but we cant go on like that. i just hope itl get better.. Im just not a 'set the scene' and candle type of person..
Submitted by popoa08 on Wed, 30/06/2010 - 17:13.
Hey all.. During my pregnancy and after having my baby i just can not be asked with sex. I hate the thought of it. It annoys me so much when my husband suggests it. Its not even due to sleepless nights or anything. its been 5 months since my baby was born. I dont want to be judged or laughed at. Is anyone experiencing the same thing? There used to be a time when I used to enjoy it. But that seems ages ago..
Submitted by CherryLime on Wed, 30/06/2010 - 21:53.
Know exactly what you mean! Although exhausted at the end of the day my 7-month old will still sleep through so it's not like I have lack of sleep to blame I just can't face it! Hubby is so understanding but feel like I'm letting him down all the time. Always other things on my mind, keeping the house tidy, sorting out the babys meals and things then I just want my bed! It's not as easy as the article makes it sound to get back on track is it.... although I find a couple of glasses of wine do help me feel more, 'in the mood'!!
Submitted by hannahj8 on Tue, 08/06/2010 - 22:06.
My partner and I still find time for the love life, and has become far more spontaneous and exciting! I am surprised I have the energy but having the odd day when I don't feel myself and feel ugly, there is nothing better than being intimate with your partner to make you feel good!
Submitted by Seky on Thu, 20/05/2010 - 13:21.
Wao! this tips are really great, because I find it tough combining work and motherhood not to memtion sex. Sometimes I may decide to let my husband have me but after so much stress at work and house chores, am totally exhausted and just go to bed. But I will really work on this to spice my love life all over again.
Submitted by nwagod on Wed, 12/05/2010 - 20:17.
is not easy at all but i and my husband make it work for us.our 20weeks baby boy is growing fine and our sex and love life is becoming more intrestend
Submitted by bettymcchicken1987 on Wed, 21/04/2010 - 17:34.
Bring on female viagra!!
Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 20/04/2010 - 18:39.
We have 6 children with number 7 due in june, 13,12,9,3,2 &1. I have never lost my drive for sex and I put that down to my partner. He always compliments me and takes on far more than any other man I know, Always makes sure I get me time and has never pressured me into making love. I see myself as a deflated balloon when not pregnant but like a beached whale when I am. I often ask him how he can find me attractive he always tells me the same I'm sexy inside and out and he sees the inner me not the withered shell I see when I look in the mirror. Talking definately helps and opening up about how I feel helps too. We are more inlove now than when we first met and every day is like when we first met - butterflys and all. He always makes me feel special and I hope he knows how much I love and appreciate him.
Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 19/04/2010 - 09:55.
i cant belive reading this i have done things i never thought i would. my sex life is brilliant when there is 3 of us( that not including the baby). many thanks
Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 15/04/2010 - 22:31.
I still wonder how many other women with babies have a similar experience. My partner stopped wanting to have sex while I was still pregnant; in part because of changing shape but a lot because his baby was growing inside me. Baby is now 8 weeks old and I've become basically just a mother now, not much else and it's driving me crazy that we still haven't had sex. It wasn't my first baby - it was my third.
Submitted by vicky1702 on Tue, 13/04/2010 - 20:33.
very helpfull tips but im always shattered by the time ive cooked tea and got our lil boy down, plus then showering so i feel human again!!! i always look forwrd to gettin close with my man but when it comes to it i just want my bed!!!! plus it doesnt feel the same anymore!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 08/04/2010 - 01:47.
I am sure the tips mentioned above are very useful, I am yet to practice them though. It feels better to know that what I am going through is very common. I will have to show this to my husband to get some moral support from him. I feel very guilty and exhausted all the time and have no-one to boost me up morally. this article has helped me be a bit positive here...
Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 07/04/2010 - 20:04.
I fill great after reading the acticle,it bring back my confident and sex life with my husband.I am settle in gradually and my ten weeks old baby girl is also settle in and also growing well.I and my husband do shopping together, go out for one hour live her with my mum to have fun. Thanks Yetunde
Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 01/04/2010 - 15:22.
I feel a thousand times better about the state of our bedroom and love life after reading this article. I might print it out so I can show it to my husband every time he gets on at me about my "duties".
Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 31/03/2010 - 14:20.
Ladies, my little boy is 13 months, running me ragged just like yours are I would imagine, but I'll be damned if I let myself turn into a self loathing frumpy mum!! No way! Every now and then a devote a whole day just to me - no washing/cleaning/cooking..nothing but pampering. It's time for little one to visit the grandparents for a sleepover....and of I go. First I do a bit of exercise to get the blood pumping (for me it's riding my horse), then I get a haircut, and pop to the shops to buy myself something new (comfy yet sexy knickers are a must!). I arrange to meet my fiance for a quiet dinner at our favourite pub with a little tipple of my favourite drink, and the rest follows on it's own. Ladies, I know it's hard, but this once in a while treat will make you feel 10 times better, and it will remind YOU that you are still the beautiful women you were before you had your children! If I can do it so can you (and don't you dare feel guilty - you've earned it)!
Submitted by kellycuccu on Tue, 30/03/2010 - 22:29.
I know what it feels like, not feeling sexy or wanting to find the energy to have a romantic time after baby goes to bed, I have a 5 month old daughter and yes I curse anyone or anything that comes between me and my relaxing time whenever it may be. However, my husband works shift work and we also never know when we will have some time together so what I suggest mummies, is to be clever.. I ask my husband to "join me in the shower" when my baby has gone down for a nap, so this doesnt cut into my relaxing time and it makes everyone happy. You never know, you might start to feel a bit sexy getting each other all soaped up in the shower....
Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 28/03/2010 - 16:06.
its not me that needs help in rekindling our missing love life , my husband now only sees a mother and not the woman he married
Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 23/03/2010 - 23:56.
OMG this advice is really good. But what's even better is the realisation that what i am going through is not unique.My son is also 13 months and very active ; hubby works nights so we only see one another on the weekend never mind getting up to anything. We are both exhasted constantly and i find it really difficult to switch from mummy to sexy partner.