In the shared excitement of pregnancy many couples think having a baby will bring them closer together physically as well as emotionally.
But as you adjust to the new demands of feeding and changing on top of mounting household tasks, it’s no wonder you sometimes just don’t feel up to it.
With the added joys of sleep deprivation, physical discomfort and financial pressure, spontaneity and intimacy can be difficult to maintain, and before you know it they’re a thing of the past.
“No sane woman will sprint to have sex when she’s only had four hours sleep and/or is juggling motherhood with a demanding job," says Anita Naik, author of Lazy Girl's Guide to Sex.
The good news is that a renewed love life for mums is possible, but you will need a little creativity and a lot of determination to make it work.
Here are our top tips to reclaim your bedroom – and your love life.
Set the scene for romance
- Turn your bedroom back into a room for grown-ups by creating a sanctuary free from baby clutter. It’s hard to get in the mood when your libido was last seen lurking under a box of nappies in the corner. It might be the last thing you want to do, but a clear-up, fresh bedding and atmospheric lighting can help create a space just for you.
- Try to reach an agreement about the division of housework – you won’t feel sexy if you feel undervalued or that you’re doing more than your fair share.
Rediscovering intimacy
It’s common for new mums to feel like their body now belongs more to their baby than their partner and to have little interest in sex for a while after birth. Changing from ‘mum’ to ‘lover’ takes more than a quick change of outfit, and mums can often feel all ‘touched out’ at the end of a day of cuddling and comforting.
- “A good sex life is possible if you make the effort to stay intimate,’ says Anita Naik. This means keep kissing, and keep telling each other you find each other appealing.’
- Don’t rush things. Be romantic and affectionate, without pressuring yourself to feel ‘sexy.’ You can still share intimate moments, perhaps with a hug, sensual massage or by taking a candlelit bath together.
Make time for each other
It sounds obvious, but if you want to rekindle that spark, you’re going to need to spend some quality time together. By the time the kids are settled after another busy day it can be hard to summon up the energy for a chat, never mind romance, so a little effort is needed to find ways to make it happen.
- Schedule in regular dates, and take advantage of babysitters to get some time alone. Grandparents or aunties will be more than happy to spend time with your baby, and giving them a regular routine will make life easier than calling on them with no advance warning.
- Not everyone has an army of relatives nearby, so take up any offers from friends and neighbours. You might feel strange about leaving your little one for the first time, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be, so try starting off with just an hour or so to begin with.
- You don’t have to paint the town red - a quiet dinner, long walk or intimate chat can work wonders. And if you’re too tired by evening to enjoy each other’s company, why not let granny take baby for a few hours on Sunday so you can spend some special time together, even if it’s just snuggling up in front of the TV?
Dress sexy to feel sexy
With all the pressure to become a ‘yummy mummy’ it’s not surprising that physical changes after childbirth can leave women feeling less than gorgeous.
- Treat yourself to underwear that makes you feel like a woman as well as a mother.
- Make the most of your new shape – trying to cram yourself into pre-pregnancy lingerie will make you feel worse, not better, so buy one or two new pieces that flatter your curves.
- Remember your shape will continue to change for a while, so don’t spend a fortune until you’ve really settled into your new skin.
