Around the age of eight months, some babies become very clingy. It can feel as if he’s attached to you with Velcro, as he never wants to leave your side. Here, we explain why this happens and how you can cope.

Why sudden clinginess happens

You have become the most important person in your baby’s life, and he feels safe and happy when he is with you. When he was younger, you could leave the room and he wouldn’t notice; out of sight, out of mind. But now that he’s a bit older, he realises when you’re not there and becomes upset. If he sees you leave, he can’t be sure when you’ll come back again. For all he knows, you have vanished into thin air and may never return. You know where you are going, what you are going to do and how long you will be, but he doesn’t.

When your baby becomes a little older, he will learn that you will always return when you leave the room or drop him off with the childminder, but right now he will cry for you every time you go. Psychologists and child experts call this ‘separation anxiety’.

How to cope

The best way to cope with a clingy baby is to accept that for this period of your baby’s life he will be happiest if he can be with you while you go about your daily routines. This can be easy if you are mostly at home. However, if you have returned to work, or have to leave your baby with someone else while you attend to other things, then you will have some difficult goodbyes.

If you ignore your baby’s need to have you nearby, he may keep an even closer eye on you, and be less able to play on his own while you get on with things.

Working at home

If you are at home, you may find it easy to fit in your baby’s need to be with you as you get on with what you need to do. Position your baby so that he can see you getting on with your things, while he plays with his. If you have to go into another room, take him with you or give him time to follow you if he’s crawling. You may have a small area in each room where he can play happily: the high chair in the kitchen; a play mat or playpen in the living room; a selection of toys in the bedroom; and bath toys and sponges that he can play with in the bathroom.

Leaving your baby to go to work

The frantic rush to get everything ready for work, to get your baby’s things ready for nursery, crèche or the childminder, and to get there on time, can be hard work. It’s even more difficult if your baby becomes very upset when you leave.

You may be torn between comforting him and knowing that you should be on your way. It will help if you know you are leaving him with another ‘special’ person who your baby likes, knows and trusts. Perhaps he has a key worker or designated carer, or maybe there is one friend or relative who you know your baby enjoys being with. He may still be upset when you leave but if he is usually happy with that person he will soon settle down once you have gone.

Many parents who leave a screaming baby feel anxious and guilty… only to find out that their baby was playing happily within five minutes of being left. Arrange to call the nursery or childminder when you get to work so that you can be reassured.

If your baby doesn’t settle, then it is always worth reconsidering your childcare arrangements for peace of mind.

Hello and goodbye

If you mark the end of each separation with a ‘Mummy’s back again now’ or similar greeting, this will help your baby to learn that you always do and always will return.

Losing your patience

There may be times your baby’s constant need to be with you becomes too much; you can’t even go to the loo in peace! If you start to get impatient or irritated, it may help to think about the situation from your baby’s point of view: he loves you and it really matters to him that you are nearby. Remember, he won’t be like this forever; this phase will pass.