Heading back to work after a long break is like the first day of term after the school holidays: you may be wondering 'What has changed? Will it be OK? What will people say?'
When Coaching Mums carried out a survey of women preparing to go back to work, 69% said they felt anxious. Founder Amanda Alexander says, 'Not only do you have to face the fear of the unknown, there is also:
- the emotional upheaval of leaving your baby
- the adjustment to your new role as mother
- the organisation required to even get out of the house
- the worry ('will he be ok without me?')
- and the guilt ('am I a dreadful mother for leaving her?').
With all this going on in your head, it's no surprise that your self-esteem might be a little shaky as you get ready to go back to work, but the good news is that you can build your confidence again after having your baby. Here's how.
Be prepared
First, ensure you've done all the practical stuff [link to back-to-work-countdown] like sorting out childcare and going back into work before you start to meet or get reacquainted with your colleagues. Knowing that you are prepared can help enormously, even if you don't feel ready.
Go shopping
Most of us take a bit of an image knock after having a baby, but when you feel good on the outside, it helps to increase your self-confidence. Set a budget and kit yourself out with a confidence-boosting 'back to work' outfit. As one mum says: 'A pair of killer heels, a spray tan and a good haircut did it for me!'
Dear diary...
Start an achievement journal in the run up to returning to work, and keep it going in the early weeks and months of your new role as a working mum. Every day, write down what you've achieved that day, from managing to get yourself and the children out of the house on time, to getting a compliment. This can really help you focus on how well you're doing rather than how stressed or low you feel.
Change the record
- Write down all your beliefs about working mums, and ask yourself where this belief came from, and whether it's useful to you or not.
- Stop listening to the negative voice in your head - the one that's telling you you're not a good mother, you should be at home rather than working, you'll be no good at work now you're a mum, there's not enough time.
- Write yourself a positive statement about what a calm, confident and capable woman and mother you are, write it on Post-It notes and stick them everywhere, and mutter your new mantra under your breath when you have a wobbly moment
- Email five people who love you - friends, partner or family - and ask them to tell you what they admire about you. You'll get a real boost from re-reading the lovely things they will say.
Big yourself up
Gillian Nissim, the founder of workingmums.co.uk, says: 'One way of boosting your confidence is to list all your achievements both before you took time out and also the skills that you have built up while you have been at home. Include in this list things like voluntary work, and all the skills you have developed as a mother, including communications skills, prioritisation, negotiating skills and diplomacy, to mention just a few.'
You could also try:
- Reading one of the many self-help books about confidence
- Listening to a hypnotherapy CD designed to get you thinking more confidently about all aspects of your life
- Hiring a lifecoach - there are a growing number of coaches who specialise in helping working mums feel more confident and achieving a better work-life balance.
You've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain, by trying any or all of these techniques for boosting your confidence and self-esteem as you go back to work. Working mums are amazing - don't tell yourself any different!
