“Have you tidied your room yet?” is a common cry in most families’ homes. The thorny issue of chores and encouraging children to help out, is one faced by all parents at some point.

The washing up doesn’t miraculously get done, beds don’t make themselves and even ready meals take some degree of preparation. By getting our kids to help out with some manageable domestic chores we teach them valuable lessons about responsibility, respect and keeping a house.

When to start with jobs around the house

From 2 – 3 years old children can understand the idea of tidying up. But to avoid battles it’s best at this age to make a game out of it and accept that it may only be a token effort on their part. Try putting some music on and dancing while the toys are tidied or a ‘race’ element into it between siblings.

The key from then on is to find chores that are safe and appropriate for your children as they grow older. Some of this will depend on how dexterous your children are.

Jobs around the house from 4

• Tidying up
• Setting and clearing the table for a meal
• Making their beds
• Helping sort the washing and put clothes away
• Washing up/loading and unloading the dishwasher
• Cooking
• Packing for a trip away
• Gardening

So while toddlers will only be able to tidy up, by Reception age they should be able to set and clear the table (even if the knives and forks may not always be positioned right), put dirty clothes in the laundry basket and make their bed (duvets make this much simpler).

Helping with cooking and gardening may be more sporadic but any time they show an interest, no matter what the age, encourage them.

As children get older through Infant school they can put their own clothes away, load the dishwasher and pack for a trip (and with some guidance should be able to get most things together).

Cooking ability increases with age. Initially they’re most motivated by party and sweet treats but author and child expert, Steven Biddulph, thinks by the age of ten they should be able to handle hot liquids, sharp knives and stoves.

The expert view

Educational psychologist Sarah Geiger, thinks doing chores in the household is important for children’s development in three ways:

1. Family. “It’s important for everyone to have a role and that children know they have a part to play and that as part of a family work has to be shared.”
2. Responsibility. “Children should know certain things need to be achieved. But tasks shouldn’t be too oppressive and there should be fairness in the family. With increasing independence, they should not need to be triggered each time – so children do them autonomously. Parents should be relaxed, aware of age limits, and keep expectations appropriate to avoid making the child feel inadequate. They will never do it as well as you and that has to be acceptable.”
3. Recognition. “Participation needs to be recognised — assumed but not ignored. Recognition needs to be age appropriate – when they’re little praise the attempt, when older praise the initiative or unprompted action.”

Of course it’s easier to explain to children the need for everyone to muck in and help with chores if all the adults are doing their share. So the whole family should think about their contribution to domestic tasks and it is important to get boys and girls equally involved.

Some parents, especially those who felt they were expected to do too much as children, may be initially ambivalent to pushing their own kids into doing chores. But who wants their children to leave home incapable of keeping a room clean, loading a washing machine or cooking a meal?

A mum's view

Very occasionally extreme action might be required. When Bonny Durward, a mother of two teenage girls realised she’d reached a point where she was constantly nagging them to do any work, with everyone feeling terrible as a consequence, she decided to go on strike.

“I didn’t do anything but make sandwiches for them at tea time. So then they saw how unpleasant it was if no one did any housework. Initially they thought it was a game but then it got a bit grotty. In the end we negotiated that they did three jobs a day and they were more appreciative of what was involved. My eldest daughter is going to university soon and now she’s very good at cooking and knows how to clean a bathroom,” says Durward.