All families have their ups and downs. Many of the complications happen because life throws many challenges and changes at us, and we all react differently to these.
New family challenges
Key life changes bring confusion into the most well ordered lives - the following all leave us questioning fundamental beliefs and values.
- birth
- death
- marriage
- changing schools
- changing jobs
- moving house
- leaving home
- divorce
- remarriage…
Family changes
All change is difficult – it involves losses as well as gains. Often, we believe we are meant to be happy and excited about the change, and this leaves very little space to feel sad about the things and people we may leave behind.
Allow yourself and others in the family to have mixed feelings about any changes. Different members of your family may feel differently about the same event. Try to let everyone express how they feel. Feelings do change over time, and we do all get used to changes.
Tips on managing family change
Try to think about the last major change your family experienced:
- What helped make it easier?
- What made it harder?
- Can you use that experience and knowledge to make things easier the next time around?
Other family members – grandparents, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, godparents, and friends can often make a big difference and be a constant when other things change.
- Try to talk to your partner and agree ways forward. It is better to present a united front to children if possible. Talk to all the family too.
- Often tensions can only be sorted out by talking, listening and letting the person know what you’ve understood them to say.
- Try to find out what others are thinking and feeling.
- Find out what they want to happen and be clear about what you want too.
- Try to let everyone have something of what they want so that you can agree a compromise or a solution that works well enough for everyone.
- Think about what you may be willing to give up or change before asking others to do the same.
- Sometimes you may need to make it clear that not everyone will be happy with the decision but that you want to try to come up with compromises together because you value what everyone else has to say.
- Be realistic! Don’t try to change people – a personality change is not an option. It will only make them feel criticised and probably unloved.
- Sometimes you won’t all be able to agree. Remember that children can learn a lot from how conflict is resolved in a family. If you can find ways to resolve disagreements without resorting to violence and without shouting too often then they will learn some important skills for themselves.
Content supplied by Parentline Plus
Bounty
Bounty
