Girls today have more choice than ever before.  Today, girls:

• out-perform boys in education
• in their 20s, earn the same as men
• can run large companies
• reach the top of their professions and even be prime minister!

But girls can feel a lot of pressure too.  Sometimes they feel they need to do it all - to have the perfect relationship, be a dometsic goddess AND have a high flying career, and be a 'Supernanny' mother - all while looking great, of course.

With help from you, your daughter can learn to value herself, use her positive attributes to make strong decisions about what she wants in life, and have the confidence to find her own way through.

How do I prepare her?

The trick is to start early by building up her self-confidence, so that she not only has the confidence to know what she wants, but the self-esteem to deal with obstacles or rejection.

Girls are generally more emotional and empathetic than boys, and under 5s in particular use creative games and play-acting to practise their feelings, such as sadness, love and attachment (which explains why they often fall out with each other). ‘But this tendency towards “feeling” also makes them more vulnerable to negative emotions such as jealousy and rejection,’ says parenting educator Suzie Hayman.

How to bring up girls

To help your daughter deal with her overwhelming emotions, Hayman suggests that you:

• Acknowledge and accept her emotions. Covering her feelings up will just teach her to mask emotions as an adult.  Get down to her face level and ask her to use words to express her feelings, or draw a picture.  Ask her why she is angry or sad, and make it clear that it's ok to feel like this, even if she needs help to control the behaviour it might result in.
• Praise her for the ‘soft skills’ she displays, such as nurturing and negotiating with other people. Otherwise, she may feel that to succeed she has to copy more male behaviour, such as competing for position.

Now she is comfortable with her emotions, you can really help build her self-esteem.  Despite living in an age of 'equality' girls see from an early age that in reality, most people in power are still male, and that most domestic jobs are done by women, even if they also have a career.  By concentrating on her positive attributes, valuing her opinion and avoiding criticism you will help her to fulfil her potential and avoid the negative effects of self-doubt.

I want to build up her self-esteem

1. Spend quality one-on-one time with your daughter. This is especially important for dads who work long hours. Research shows that a dad’s love and approval early on are crucial to a girl’s positive view of herself. ‘When we speak to successful women, it’s amazing how often they credit their fathers with using empowering words about them during childhood,’ say Ian and Mary Grant, authors of Raising Confident Girls (Vermilion).
2. ‘Show faith and trust in your daughter’s ability to decide certain things, succeed at tasks, manage her own personal care and be responsible when she’s old enough,’ says Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer, author of Self-esteem for Girls (100 Tips) (Vermilion). If your daughter’s view or opinion is different to yours, make her feel it is respected even if you don’t agree with it.
3. When you praise your child, be specific about what you are praising her for, rather than offering a sweeping comment such as ‘you’re fantastic’. Make it clear that you value lots of different aspects of her: her ability to share, to be kind to a friend, to solve a problem, to come up with a good idea and her physical skills. 
4. Avoid negative words like ‘bad’ and ‘good’ to describe her behaviour. She’ll take this as a reflection of herself. Instead tell her what you dislike about a specific thing she’s done, and try to look for a positive too. What you might interpret as over-assertive behaviour at home, might help her stand her ground with friends at nursery.
5. Take the emphasis away from valuing physical features in other people so that she doesn’t place too much value on this. So instead of complimenting her friend’s height or long blond hair, for example, focus on her friend’s good manners or ability to share.