“As a woman I just always took it for granted that I would get married, have kids, and all would be fine.”

Former Hollyoaks actress Joanna Taylor began trying for a baby in 2003 with her husband, premiership footballer Danny Murphy. But it wasn’t long before they realised there was a problem. In this frank account she shares her long struggle to conceive and her delight at their ‘miracle’ baby.

Want to know what you can do to help families affected by childhood cancer? Joanna Taylor is a proud supporter of Yummy Mummy Week 2010 – find out more here.

“We hadn’t been together that long when we started trying,” Joanna recalls. “But I’d stopped taking the pill in the new year and was thinking that this would be a lovely birthday present for Danny. I had dreamed of giving him a positive test result in March, but March came and went, and in early autumn I went to see Danny’s doctor, who referred me to a specialist and that got the ball rolling.”

Frustratingly, nothing appeared to be wrong. “I had blood tests and a laparoscopy and everything was fine,” she says. “There was no endometriosis, and no PCOS, so I went on Clomid for six months and then did one course of IUI.

Feeling the pressure

The strain began to show. “At at that point it was ruling my life,” she continues. Danny was away so much of the time, so when he was around I wouldn’t even go away with friends or family if I knew I would ovulate at that time. I was obsessed about missing even one month. And when it comes to sex any romance really goes out of the window – you don’t really care how, when or why, which is horrible when you’re young and that’s taken away – I was pretty obsessive.”

Joanna, like many women, felt the pressure on her relationships as she struggled with the emotional impact of fertility treatment.

“Trying to have a baby and failing was the hardest thing me and my husband have ever gone through. I can’t have been easy to live with. Danny was brilliant, but I felt such a failure, stopping him from having the family he wanted – I really don’t know if we would have stayed together if I hadn’t conceived.”

Lifeline

Her lifeline, she says, was an internet forum where she found a network of support from other women going through the same struggle.

“The worst thing about struggling to conceive is how resentful you end up being of other women who are pregnant – that’s really hard,” she remembers. “I felt really alone – Danny has a child already from a previous relationship, so I did kind of feel that he could never really understand. He was a parent and nothing was going to take that away from him.

“And as close as I am to my mum, she had four kids quite easily. So I really did lean on the girls in the forum because they were the only people who truly understood how I felt. We’re still close today. And luckily, they all have kids now – I’m even godmother to one of them!

Desperate to become a mum, Joanna next turned to IVF and endured the heartbreak of two unsuccessful attempts followed by a miscarriage before conceiving Mya on her fourth try.

Last chance

By then, she says, she had become so unhappy that she almost gave up. “It got the point where no one wanted to see me go through it again, and I didn’t even tell Danny when I decided to try for the fourth time. But I confided in friends on the forum and one of them said ‘come on, we’ll do it together.’ Then finally, in November 2005, she got the result she had been waiting for, and Mya came along in August 2006.

After Mya, Joanna decided enough was enough and that she wouldn’t attempt IVF again. “We definitely wanted another child, but IVF had taken up so much of my life that I couldn’t face it again – and I couldn’t face putting Mya through it. I would have considered adoption though – I’m one of four and love having siblings – and I didn’t want Mya not to have that,” she says.

A little miracle

Then, in 2009, came the news they never thought they’d hear. “After six and a half years of unprotected sex, I was pregnant” she laughs, adding “not that we hadn’t been trying, but we had been led to believe we wouldn’t conceive naturally, so it was a complete surprise.”

This time around, things are different, she says. “I’m so much more relaxed this time. What was lovely was that I was a week overdue, and when my sister suggested I take a test, at first I couldn’t be bothered!

With Mya, I felt a bit sad that I’d never had that feeling of having a positive test and that ‘guess what?’ feeling. And I was neurotic throughout the pregnancy."

What advice would she give to other women who are struggling to conceive?

“It’s hard to describe to anyone who hasn’t been through it just how low you feel. So many people say ‘just relax’ and it will happen, which doesn’t really help. People aren’t deliberately insensitive, but they don’t really get it.

I would absolutely say join a forum where you know you will find people who do understand – and just keep going, and remember that lots of people do end up having a child one way or another.’

* Joanna, Danny and Mya are looking forward to the arrival of their new baby in February 2010.

Yummy Mummy Week 2010

Children’s cancer charity, CLIC Sargent is calling on mums of all ages to get together with friends and family and have fun organising a fundraising event as part of Yummy Mummy Week 2010 (6-14 March). The charity hopes to raise £300,000 this year, with all the money raised used to help children and young people with cancer.

There are lots of ways you can get involved – from organising an event, such as a coffee morning or a girlie night in, to purchasing gifts from the Yummy Mummy range. For more information just visit www.yummymummy.org.uk or call 08451 206 658 to register for your fundraising pack.

To celebrate Yummy Mummy Week’s fifth birthday there are five fabulous ways mums can get involved:

• Eat Yummy – hold your own dinner parties, cheese and wine nights, coffee mornings and BBQs
• Dress Yummy – organise a ‘dress pink day’ at work, pyjama parties, clothes swaps or fashion show
• Feel Yummy – hold your own special pamper night or girlie night in
• Party Yummy – how about a house party, garden party or night on the town
• Go Yummy – wellywalks, swims, cycles, jogs – do something active for Yummy Mummy Week