How can I help my wife during pregnancy and labour?

Your questions answered by Patrick Houser of Greatvine.com

My wife is pregnant and I feel like a bystander while she is doing all the hard work – what can I do to help during her pregnancy and labour?

The most frequently recurring question dads ask me about pregnancy and birth is, “She is having a baby, what am I supposed to be doing?” The possibilities for what a father can ‘do’ are many and range from the invisible to the very physical and practical.

When my wife and I were expecting our first child the midwife suggested I consider that I was also ‘pregnant’. Although I knew she did not mean this in a literal sense a light went on for me. I instantly adopted the attitude that my wife was carrying our baby, and I was carrying our family. Empathy had firmly taken hold. You could let this be a signpost for you as well.

The little things

Mothers tend to be hypersensitive during pregnancy and more so during labour. It is often the little things you say and do that will make a big difference to her. A loving touch, kind and supportive words, massage, fixing her favourite meal, a special date or weekend away all say volumes about how much you care for her and that you are grateful for the gift she is giving you. For the majority of mothers a significant factor for her successful pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding is the quality of care she receives from the father. You can choose to embrace this reality as guidance and an opportunity.

Inform and prepare

Inform and prepare yourself, this will support both of you. Read a book or two on pregnancy, birth and fatherhood. Attend birth preparation classes and fathers-to-be classes. Watch enlivening birth videos together, like Orgasmic Birth and Birth into Being, which represent birth as normal and natural. New visual images are very important talismans for expectant parents. Know that birth is safe and trust in her ability to give birth. Speak with your mates about what you think and feel, particularly if they are caring fathers. Connect with your own father. And of course, please do feel free to speak with me direct on Greatvine.com

During labour your calm presence is what is most supportive and there is a direct correlation between your preparation and your ability to feel safe and calm. By utilising the above tips you will be better prepared to make a useful contribution to her pregnancy and labour. Additionally, you can download an article of mine on Greatvine.com, The Science of Father Love. It further explains the value of your supporting the mother during birth and how nature will enhance your good intentions.

Patrick Houser

Patrick Houser is a parent counsellor and the co-founder of “Fathers-To-Be” which helps expectant and current fathers through the challenges of being a dad. Author of the hugely successful “Fathers-To-Be-Handbook”, Patrick runs workshops for fathers throughout the UK. In addition he delivers Keynote speeches at conferences and holds workshops for childbirth practitioners and educators worldwide. A father and grandfather himself, Patrick specialises in support during the early years, from conception to the age of 1. For individual advice you can trust, book a private phone call with Patrick at www.greatvine.com/patrick_houser.