The truth about your growing bump
Here's what you need to know about your growing pregnancy bump
The illusion - you harbour dreams of a tidy little bump and sailing through the pregnancy with a glow and air of serenity. Everyone will say you’re blooming and comment on how well you look.
The reality - the bump takes AGES to appear and you spent the first four to five months just feeling fat. Then when you do start to show, the bump takes on a whole life of its own and hangs around long after you’ve delivered the precious cargo.
But you know something, who cares? What you’ve done, carried, nurtured and delivered is amazing - and you’re amazing too!
Here's our stage by stage account of your growing bump...
Stage 1: The early days: Nobody knows except you and your other half. You’re bloated, sick and pasty - but there’s no visible bump so you are impatient for it to start to show. Maternity clothes hang redundantly in your wardrobe. You can’t wait for the bump to appear!
Stage 2: Podgy stage: You’ve gained weight and have passed the 12-week stage, so you tell people you’re pregnant but by the looks on their faces, people think you’ve just eaten too many pies. The worse thing is you can’t face food and yet you’re still feeling bloated.
Stage 3: At four or five months you're into your second trimester and the bump starts to become more prominent. You can get away with wearing maternity jeans and not looking silly. You feel quite protective, walking around with hand on bump, smiling serenely when someone comments on your girth.
Stage 4: Ok, you can stop growing now - the bump is becoming a little person - or big person, depending on who you believe. Doctors say it’s progressing normally but you feel enormous. It’s moving all the time, you are having problems sleeping and you still have 10 weeks to go. How big does it get, you ask.
Stage 5: Last few weeks, hell on earth. You no longer walk, you waddle. You can only sleep if it’s daytime and on the couch, and spend the entire night shifting around the bed trying to get comfy. Nothing fits, not even the maternity clothes. You have one pair of jogging bottoms that are skin tight and if they burst, then you’ll have to spend the rest of your pregnancy in confinement.
Stage 6: Ok, this is beyond a joke. You are no longer human, just a whale-like creature. Seven days past your due date and no sign of Junior making an appearance. You’re having hot curries, raspberry leaf tea and next on the agenda is an early night...you just have to convince your other half. You answer the phone with a terse ‘no, I haven’t had it yet’
Stage 7: Finally, finally the baby is here. Oh, and the bump is going nowhere it appears. Not to worry, you are far too busy enjoying your new little one to care.