Choosing a birth partner

Labour is an intense experience and having the right person there to hold your hand can make all the difference.

The baby’s father is a popular choice, but some women don’t want their partner with them, and while some dads know they want to be there, others are not really sure.

For single mums-to-be this may not be an option. You may want to consider your mum, your sister, a close friend, or perhaps a doula - a professional caregiver who can give you emotional and practical support throughout labour and birth.

Either way, here are a few things to look out for.

A good birth partner:

  • Stays calm under pressure, and won’t panic in an emergency.
  • Knows your birth plan inside out.
  • Will speak on your behalf if you feel unable to do so yourself.
  • Won’t faint at the sight of blood.
  • Won’t be upset by seeing you in pain.
  • Can be ready at a moment’s notice.

Facing pregnancy alone?  Get more information and advice here.
 

 

Comments

Submitted by suzybr on Tue, 10/01/2012 - 08:54.
Can you have two birth patners, my patner is in the army and I would like to have my mum involved just in case he cant get back as I live in Stoke-on-Trent and he is based in Ixford
Submitted by krystaljoey on Wed, 07/12/2011 - 19:04.
has soon as has i discovered i was pregnant i stupidly got excited and asked if my mum in law if she would also come with my partner .Now i wish i hadnt dreading the day i've gone and ruined it for myself its all i think about
Submitted by Jennybubble on Wed, 30/11/2011 - 14:39.
I'm having my partner Shaun with me at my baby girls birth. he's very excited I just hope he can stay calm. I am due on the 2nd February so not long now. I know he thinks its going to be e breeze as he keeps telling me and Il'l be fine but labour is still a bit daunting and playing on my mind especially as he could be at work and i'm worried i'm gonna panick when the big day comes. My birth plan is ready but it would be nice if he could sit down and go through my notes with me. I think he's just anxious i think i'm keeping him up at nights but he says hes having trouble sleeping. Its all going to change when the baby comes.
Submitted by amandarayner1974 on Wed, 20/07/2011 - 06:59.
I had my 3rd baby in the heath and my middle daughter was 10 at the time and was my birthing partner (with my mum in the room as stand by) She wanted a water birth even tho I didn't but thought "I'll get in and try it then get out after 10 mins just to keep her happy" I'm glad I did it was amazing. The midwives were a little unsure of her but on the tour she asked more questions from all the books she had read than all the other mums/dads so they let her do it. She was brilliant right up until it came to cutting the cord - she thought she'd hurt the baby but she did it and she picked the baby out of the water and was so proud. I believe she is still the youngest real birthing partner they've had and she wants to do it again 5 years to the day later on my fourth! Where as my hubby will be there for the 1st time and is doing his nut lmao
Submitted by zesty2011 on Mon, 16/05/2011 - 16:39.
when my first baby was born my husband was there with me and was excellent support he was great. but he says he will not be there next time because he cant cope seeing me in so much pain. so my best friend is going to be there with me. but i still wish he would be there even if its outside the room i'm in
Submitted by itgirlno1 on Mon, 18/04/2011 - 13:41.
m2B hannah - definitely have your partner and your mum if that's who you want. If you had to choose between your mum and your partner's mum, then there's really no choice is there?! If your partner and his mum get funny about it, gently remind them that it's going to be really painful for you, and since you don't know what to expect, that you'll really feel a lot calmer and more relaxed with your mum there, which means less pain for you and a quicker, easier and safer birth. Personally, my husband would rather it's just us 2 but I really want my mum as it's the first time for me too. I also want my little sister, so I'm having a home birth where I can have who I want. Although, quite similar to you, there is an in-law who wants to be there: his sister-in-law, which is a bit strange. I'm not sure I want that many people there, so depending on how I feel, I'll call her over. You have to go with how you feel, don't allow anyone to pressure you into what they want you to do. It's not about them is it?!
Submitted by Laneymay on Thu, 03/02/2011 - 18:33.
I really want my mum to attend but she lives 210 miles away. I figure my labour won't be quick as hers lasted 13 hours so I hope she can get on the road and here in time for the main event. Mind you I also won't complain about a short labour!
Submitted by Laneymay on Thu, 03/02/2011 - 18:30.
To M2Bhannah I also want my husband and mum in with me and would be shocked if my mother in law asked to attend. I suppose it would depend on how close you are you her and whether she has daughters. I would stick to your mum and partner as it sounds as if that is your preference. Good luck!
Submitted by pixeymum on Wed, 26/01/2011 - 11:08.
I'm due at the end of March and my 19 year old daughter wants to come with me as well as bumps dad who like other dads is squemish!! I've told him to focus on me and not the birth necessarily I'm sure he'll be fine especially with my daughter being there to she'll focus him!! My daughter is going through my birth plan and what and how I would like to be supported so I feel confident she will focus with me and provide what I want as she knows me very well of course and the midwives do the important bits and my daughter and partner can focus on supporting me and the arrival of bump and I'm looking forward to it happening now :-) Spring Arrivals xxxx
Submitted by M2Bhannahx on Tue, 25/01/2011 - 15:55.
I'm having my first baby I'm really scared, and I really want my partner to be with me when I give birth I also want my mum there but my partners mum also wants to be in the room when the baby arrives I can only have 2 birthing partners, I don't want to upset anyone I'm really stuck xx
 

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