Choosing a birth partner

Choosing a birth partner

Labour is an intense experience and having the right person there to hold your hand can make all the difference.

The baby’s father is a popular choice, but some women don’t want their partner with them, and while some dads know they want to be there, others are not really sure.

For single mums-to-be this may not be an option. You may want to consider your mum, your sister, a close friend, or perhaps a doula - a professional caregiver who can give you emotional and practical support throughout labour and birth.

Either way, here are a few things to look out for.

A good birth partner:

  • Stays calm under pressure, and won’t panic in an emergency.
  • Knows your birth plan inside out.
  • Will speak on your behalf if you feel unable to do so yourself.
  • Won’t faint at the sight of blood.
  • Won’t be upset by seeing you in pain.
  • Can be ready at a moment’s notice.

Facing pregnancy alone?  Get more information and advice here.
 

Comments

Submitted by Musician1 on Fri, 30/03/2012 - 14:41.
To JenW25 I used a birthing pool with my first child 5 years ago, and I am hoping to be able to do the same again this time. It was really nice to be able to move around easily in the pool, and they kept topping it up with warm water, so it was like being in a very big bath! I do think it helped with the pain, though I don't have any other type of birth to compare it with. It was all very calm, and I didn't even consider needing any other pain relief other than some gas and air. I would recommend it to anyone.
Submitted by JenW25 on Thu, 22/03/2012 - 07:43.
Hi everyone :) I am only 11 weeks pregnant so early days yet I know but still want to b organised so I am starting go think of labour and birthing partners etc! This will b my second child ( iv got Dylan my 6 year old) and am still really nervous 2nd time around as it's been quite a while since my last! Kinda a new thing all over again! Last time I bad my mum and my partner as birthing partners and they were great so hav decided that's what Im going to do again :) I am also considering a birthing pool this time and wanted to know If anybody has had one before and did it help, does it ease the pain? Etc ..if anybody could get back to me I would be really grateful! Thanksalot and good luck to all u yummy mummys! Thanks in advance x
Submitted by suzybr on Tue, 10/01/2012 - 09:54.
Can you have two birth patners, my patner is in the army and I would like to have my mum involved just in case he cant get back as I live in Stoke-on-Trent and he is based in Ixford
Submitted by krystaljoey on Wed, 07/12/2011 - 20:04.
has soon as has i discovered i was pregnant i stupidly got excited and asked if my mum in law if she would also come with my partner .Now i wish i hadnt dreading the day i've gone and ruined it for myself its all i think about
Submitted by Jennybubble on Wed, 30/11/2011 - 15:39.
I'm having my partner Shaun with me at my baby girls birth. he's very excited I just hope he can stay calm. I am due on the 2nd February so not long now. I know he thinks its going to be e breeze as he keeps telling me and Il'l be fine but labour is still a bit daunting and playing on my mind especially as he could be at work and i'm worried i'm gonna panick when the big day comes. My birth plan is ready but it would be nice if he could sit down and go through my notes with me. I think he's just anxious i think i'm keeping him up at nights but he says hes having trouble sleeping. Its all going to change when the baby comes.
Submitted by amandarayner1974 on Wed, 20/07/2011 - 07:59.
I had my 3rd baby in the heath and my middle daughter was 10 at the time and was my birthing partner (with my mum in the room as stand by) She wanted a water birth even tho I didn't but thought "I'll get in and try it then get out after 10 mins just to keep her happy" I'm glad I did it was amazing. The midwives were a little unsure of her but on the tour she asked more questions from all the books she had read than all the other mums/dads so they let her do it. She was brilliant right up until it came to cutting the cord - she thought she'd hurt the baby but she did it and she picked the baby out of the water and was so proud. I believe she is still the youngest real birthing partner they've had and she wants to do it again 5 years to the day later on my fourth! Where as my hubby will be there for the 1st time and is doing his nut lmao
Submitted by zesty2011 on Mon, 16/05/2011 - 17:39.
when my first baby was born my husband was there with me and was excellent support he was great. but he says he will not be there next time because he cant cope seeing me in so much pain. so my best friend is going to be there with me. but i still wish he would be there even if its outside the room i'm in
Submitted by itgirlno1 on Mon, 18/04/2011 - 14:41.
m2B hannah - definitely have your partner and your mum if that's who you want. If you had to choose between your mum and your partner's mum, then there's really no choice is there?! If your partner and his mum get funny about it, gently remind them that it's going to be really painful for you, and since you don't know what to expect, that you'll really feel a lot calmer and more relaxed with your mum there, which means less pain for you and a quicker, easier and safer birth. Personally, my husband would rather it's just us 2 but I really want my mum as it's the first time for me too. I also want my little sister, so I'm having a home birth where I can have who I want. Although, quite similar to you, there is an in-law who wants to be there: his sister-in-law, which is a bit strange. I'm not sure I want that many people there, so depending on how I feel, I'll call her over. You have to go with how you feel, don't allow anyone to pressure you into what they want you to do. It's not about them is it?!
Submitted by Laneymay on Thu, 03/02/2011 - 19:33.
I really want my mum to attend but she lives 210 miles away. I figure my labour won't be quick as hers lasted 13 hours so I hope she can get on the road and here in time for the main event. Mind you I also won't complain about a short labour!
Submitted by Laneymay on Thu, 03/02/2011 - 19:30.
To M2Bhannah I also want my husband and mum in with me and would be shocked if my mother in law asked to attend. I suppose it would depend on how close you are you her and whether she has daughters. I would stick to your mum and partner as it sounds as if that is your preference. Good luck!
Submitted by pixeymum on Wed, 26/01/2011 - 12:08.
I'm due at the end of March and my 19 year old daughter wants to come with me as well as bumps dad who like other dads is squemish!! I've told him to focus on me and not the birth necessarily I'm sure he'll be fine especially with my daughter being there to she'll focus him!! My daughter is going through my birth plan and what and how I would like to be supported so I feel confident she will focus with me and provide what I want as she knows me very well of course and the midwives do the important bits and my daughter and partner can focus on supporting me and the arrival of bump and I'm looking forward to it happening now :-) Spring Arrivals xxxx
Submitted by M2Bhannahx on Tue, 25/01/2011 - 16:55.
I'm having my first baby I'm really scared, and I really want my partner to be with me when I give birth I also want my mum there but my partners mum also wants to be in the room when the baby arrives I can only have 2 birthing partners, I don't want to upset anyone I'm really stuck xx
Submitted by p1nk81 on Thu, 02/12/2010 - 12:11.
my very first birth included 7 people which was over kill. my second it was just me and the babies father which was ideal. so this time i'll take that option again. Although my partner is sqeamish i've just told him to just look at my face and not down below as the midwife can do that.
Submitted by firstmum14 on Tue, 16/11/2010 - 16:49.
i am havin my partner and my mum with me but i dnt no if my partner will stick it out as he aint a really calm person nd he can not stand the sight off bloody or anything like tht where as my mum has had 3 ov us sooo x
Submitted by Lady500 on Wed, 10/11/2010 - 12:50.
How many birthing partners are you allowed to have in with you?
Submitted by sarahhkerr on Wed, 27/10/2010 - 22:01.
i really have no idea who to bring in! am 18 and my boyfriend is away with training and is out of the country a dunno if a want my mum there or my best mate? any1 any advice?x
Submitted by beccan8 on Wed, 22/09/2010 - 12:17.
i taking my partener and my mam if they are there my mam lives 150 miles away and i hope to god i dnt go into labour on a weekend or il be havin it by myself considerin my partner work every weekend :( hope to have both of them there wen our sona dn my mams first grandchild comes into the worls cnt wait to have ym son either :)
Submitted by makaNgcebo on Thu, 16/09/2010 - 22:02.
I have been havin a real big problem with choosing my right bith partner, see i have 2 mothers ( im adopted) and my partner really dose not want to be in there and i dont mind but i dont knw which mother is the right one to have with me bt i dont want to upset any one when doing so havein a friend would not be the best choice i was even feel to go in by myself nw i really feel stressed out jus thinkin about it :-(
Submitted by mummymires on Tue, 24/08/2010 - 11:53.
my partner will definitely be in the room with me n i know he'll help as much as he can. he doesnt like the idea of getttin into the birthin pool with me tho lol. i'd love my mum to be there to but she lives 200miles away so wud be a bit difficult :(
Submitted by EJ12345 on Wed, 18/08/2010 - 10:57.
I will take my husband with me although he is not the calmest person i know in this world...my mum will not be with me so dont have that option. Will have my MIL but dont want her there with me during labour...no choice but to take my hubby along..not sure if he will want to be there..if he doesn't then i am going in alone.
Submitted by xLeonie1x on Wed, 11/08/2010 - 17:26.
Defo taking my mum and twin with me :) x
Submitted by vickylia on Wed, 05/05/2010 - 18:05.
I had my Mum and Husband in the delivery room which was amazing... My husbands physical strength and Mums soothing and calming words... brill. And fro mu Mum to be able to see her first Grandchild come into the world was an amazing emotional time we will never forget. My Husband cut the babies cord and was first to hold her. the emotion was so intense... amazing
Submitted by crippshayley on Wed, 05/05/2010 - 12:51.
Well i was gona have my mum, she's had 4 herself, and been there with my sister twice so lots of practice, but now my partner wants to be there, despite his religion, so now i have someone with as much experience as me.. none!! lol ;0) i'm sure it'll be fine tho (hope!!) xx
Submitted by jami2010 on Wed, 05/05/2010 - 11:16.
i think mine will be my partner eventhough he cant stand when i am in pain but i think its worth him being part of the experience.
Submitted by gingamelons on Wed, 21/04/2010 - 00:59.
mine would have 2 b my mum :) she always knows wat i want and for the dad he cant cope with me havin period pains let alone labour lol.
Submitted by LaurenMatthews1991 on Tue, 20/04/2010 - 15:38.
i think my partner as its a life changing expierence and for the daddy to be there would be amazing! x
Submitted by nunasi on Tue, 20/04/2010 - 15:28.
im gonna take my husband with me as a birth partner coz im in the hope that he will also feel the things n finally gonna realize that he ez being a father nnnnnnnnn will think about his responsibilities towards us.
Submitted by brookseybaby10 on Mon, 19/04/2010 - 17:05.
im having my mum and husband! cos they are the only 2 people in the world that can keep my calm and shout at me at the same time! LOL
Submitted by blackvauxhal on Thu, 15/04/2010 - 22:17.
believe it or not ladies, i am going to have my dad, not my babys dad, my dad - :) i know that my chap would probably be a little loss, cant stand me having morning sickness or back aches , hate to think what he would be like me giving birth
Submitted by Xsophie007X on Thu, 15/04/2010 - 15:34.
Having my best friend in with me.. :)
Submitted by princessbrina4 on Wed, 14/04/2010 - 15:23.
I would agree with this comment is as always best to have someone in the room with u, in my first pregnacy i had my mum and this pregnacy im going to have my mum and my partner.
Submitted by lissybabyxxx on Wed, 14/04/2010 - 14:59.
havin my mum nd my fella there x