Potty training resistance

Potty training resistance

The medical experts call this ‘potty training resistance’ but if your child is under three and a half it just means he’s not ready yet. You should stop and start again in a month or so. If your child is well over that age, and is showing all the signs of physical and emotional readiness, then he can be considered resistant to potty training.

Reasons for refusing to us the potty

Resistance to potty training can be caused by all kinds of things including:

  • being afraid to sit on the potty or toilet (loud flushing or having cold water splash back on his bottom may have scared him from wanting to sit on the toilet)
  • being pushed into potty training too early or fast before he was ready
  • harsh punishment for having a toilet accident or being forced to sit on the potty
  • inconsistent training, especially between different caregivers such as home and nursery or home and grandma’s.
  • painful poo due to constipation. Treat him for constipation until starting potty training again.
  • waging a power war with his parents and is using wee and poo as control tools
  • be enjoying the attention he gets from from having accidents (even if it’s negative attention)

What can I do to encourage him to use the potty?

Once they’ve checked your toddler for any physical problems preventing potty training, doctors often recommend this approach.

  1. Talk to him: If your child seems afraid of using the potty or loo, talk to him calmly and find out what it is that scares him. Be prepared for it to be something quite irrational but don’t laugh.
  2. Set up a reward scheme: This should include lots of attention when he uses the potty, but don’t go overboard as a giant spotlight of praise can also be intimidating. Get a star chart and let your child place stickers on it whenever he uses the potty. After a certain number of stickers, give him a reward that you know will incentivise him.
  3. Encourage independence: if your child wets or soils himself let him help clear it up. This can include getting a new nappy or pair of pants, taking the dirty ones off off, cleaning himself (although he will probably need help after a poo). This is not a punishment and don’t have him scrubbing floors for hours; you are helping him realise the consequences of behaviour you know he can control.
  4. Keep a diary: Tanya Byron of SuperNanny says the number one reason for potty training resistance is parents’ reaction to accidents. She recommends keeping a toilet-training diary: “If you feel that you are in a negative cycle with your child, monitor what is happening over several days and consider how your responses may be affecting her. It is likely your reactions are somehow reinforcing the wetting or soiling behaviour.”

A mum's view

Archie’s mum Dawn says “Unadulterated, unabashed bribery was the way to go for my strong-willed little boy. It was like he couldn’t be bothered to spare the time for the loo, he loved playing so much. It was a sweetie for a wee, a chocolate for a poo and a little toy for a whole day without accidents. Bingo. It took a week and he was dry.”

The expert view

Dr Christopher Green author of Toddler Taming says “The key point, as it seems with all potty training troubles, is to try to relax and back away from the problem. At this point both toddler and parent have dug in for a siege and while in that position neither they nor their bowels are likely to move. Stop all attempts at training and, only once calm has been re-established, start from the beginning. If your toddler is resistant to even sitting on the potty, start with the potty in front of the television, the child seated with trainer pants in place. From here there is a gradual move to no pants, no television and no nonsense.”

Comments

Submitted by az1968 on Mon, 21/05/2012 - 19:26.
My daughter will be 2 in 3 weeks and seems not interested in doing a wee, but she will sit on the potty, I tried pull on pants and she wet them, and still resists going to the loo during the day. Try again next week for her.
Submitted by louise4aaron4eva on Thu, 19/04/2012 - 17:47.
My little girl will b 2 in 2weeks she knows what the toilet is for and would rather play with her potty than sit on it, she has been for a wee on the big girl toilet as we call it once but hasnt done it since is there anything that can help us we have tryed rewards but nothing has helped
Submitted by BeccaT3112 on Wed, 18/04/2012 - 09:28.
My son is 3 and he was pretty much dry in the day before his little brother arrived! His brother is now almost 6 months old and I still can't get him dry again. It feels like we have tried everything but he just doesn't care. At the moment we are breaking the day into 2 halves. He only has one pair of pants for each half of the day, if he wets or poos in them then he has to have nappies on (he dislikes this at nursery). If he is dry then he gets a chocolate or small toy car reward for each half of the day, a full dry day earns him a bigger prize (Peppa pig dvds, little board games etc). He loves earning the prizes but this didn't seem to be doing the trick so while rewarding we also take away a toy if he wets on purpose (accidents if he falls asleep or is on way to toilet don't count). Some days it seems to be working, somedays it doesn't. We will perservere and he will be dry when he is ready again. Failing that his little brother will be dry first!!!
Submitted by mrsbennett91 on Mon, 16/04/2012 - 19:47.
My little girl will be 2 in june and we are anxious about potty training her her potty has been out for months but shes only used it once or twice without being asked. i tried her in pull ups to make it easier for her but they keep falling down and she leaks so there no good.. any advice?
Submitted by sibbywibby on Fri, 13/04/2012 - 09:42.
My son will be three at the end of june, and i am getting anxious about potty/toilet training. Any advice here would be appreciated. He shows all signs of being ready, and tells us if he has had a wee or poo. He is happy to wear his boxer shorts throughout the day with no accidents, but holds in his wee or poo. He'll ask for a nappy on to go, and normally we give in after asking him to go toilet or potty as we are worried that he is hurting himself by holding it in! if we take him to the toilet or to the potty he screams like the banshee. We have said to him about stickers, treats, lots of praise, singing, dancing, all sorts.....any advice?
Submitted by samanthah11 on Mon, 02/04/2012 - 22:33.
my lil girl is 18months old and my partner wants me to force her into going to the toilet by saying things like oh she needs to be out of nappies. i dont want to force her out of nappies i want to wait till she is ready. she likes to sit on the potty but going onto an actual toilet even with a special child seat on she freaks out. and weeza32 i think you should use them pants that they advertise the pull ups for night time so if she does have a lil accident at night then it does not go on the bed. or try not to give her much to drink about an hour before she goes bed. my mum did that to me but she did potty train me at bou 6 months soon as i could sit up on my own n i was out of nappies in the day n night by 1. hope it may work
Submitted by QueenBee27 on Wed, 28/03/2012 - 16:09.
My daughetr is 3 in a couple of months, i started potty trsining her before christmas and she has done brilliantly and goes in the toilet with her special seat, (she prefers the toilet to a potty) we started with a reward chart which was brilliant, everytime she went she got a sticker and a small celebrations chocolate, i got her to put the sticker on herself so she felt better about herself and in control of her potty training, she continues to wet herself occasionaly, my problem now is that she wont tell me when she wants to go, i have to keep asking her if she needs the toilet, she tells me no, so i leave her and then she wets. Now i have to put her on the toilet and she goes, with a poo she seems to hide away and go quiet, how can i get her to start telling me when she needs to go and get her clean completely?
Submitted by Weeza32 on Wed, 21/03/2012 - 14:13.
My Daughter is 3 in two weeks time and is fully dry in day but im worried about taking that step to having her not wear a nappy for bed. Any tips??
Submitted by liamjamesmummy on Wed, 14/03/2012 - 21:53.
My Health Visitor has advised that if my son is not dry by the time he is 3 they will ask why...as he should be. Is this true?
Submitted by gemgemloo on Tue, 28/02/2012 - 01:45.
my daughter has just turned one and i just got her used to the sound of the toilet flushing she is no longer scared of that so i'm starting her early but slowly she comes into the bathroom with me and watches me and i think its a good way to start kids because they can watch, learn and get used to it. i also think if u put them on there potty while you are on the toilet that might help.
Submitted by helenmay12 on Wed, 22/02/2012 - 16:41.
my son is 4 in april 2012 i have been haveing prob with him becouse he has a hearing loss so it is a lot hard to trainbut we are getting there
Submitted by smudgey1982 on Sat, 18/02/2012 - 17:50.
my son is 3y6m and i been trying to potty train him for about 5 months but he kicks of everytime i put him on a potty or toilet. he dont care if he wets his pants etc, he dont ask or tell me he needs to do . any tips on how i can get him clean as he starts school this year.
Submitted by Patriciap on Wed, 01/02/2012 - 21:22.
My son is 3y3m old, he is potty trained since 2y6m but he just go to the potty for a wee. He refuses to go to the potty for a poo. He knows when he wants to go and knows it is wrong to poo in his pants but refuses to go to the toilet. We already tried everything, please help.
Submitted by teababes on Wed, 26/10/2011 - 20:22.
my two years old daughter won't use the potty have tried few methods like leaving her infront of the TV etc but as soon as she s off the potty she wets herself what else can i do pls.
Submitted by ertha83 on Wed, 27/07/2011 - 13:09.
@cassie091990 my 3yr old little girl is exactly the same and she is also starting nursery in sept! tried everything nothing has worked!
Submitted by duckyfuzz on Wed, 08/06/2011 - 20:01.
My daughter is 19 months old and when she does something in her nappy, tells me about it. Either saying, "mam, poo poo bum change" or "mam wee wee" i wondered if this was a sign she was ready to start potty training or if shes still too young?
Submitted by cassie091990 on Tue, 07/06/2011 - 00:59.
My son is 3 and wont go near the potty, he sits on the toilet the few odd times but doesnt do anythink, then will go back down and wee on the floor. He screams if he hasnt got a nappy on. He starts nursery where they dont change nappies in sept and I just dont no how 2 get him out of nappies. Helpp !
Submitted by sammydow on Wed, 30/03/2011 - 12:00.
my son is three and he is just sooo scared of going on the potty nothing seems to be working. please help!
Submitted by Trout21 on Wed, 23/03/2011 - 10:58.
My daughter is 2 and a half and wee wee in nursery and nannys but nothing at home, I cant even bribe her with peppa pig ! what to do ! arrrghhhh stress hee hee!