Name:  Jo Middleton

Age: 32

Children: Bee (15) and Belle (8)

Lives: Somerset

Likes: Gin & Tonic, Colin Firth, talking to Grown-Ups

Dislikes: Housework, poor spelling, playing 'shops' with children

My elder daughter Bee was seven when her sister was born.

In some ways this made it easier for us as parents, as we were able to sit down and talk properly to her about what was happening and what it would mean to have a new sibling.

The centre of attention

In other ways it was harder. Bee had been an only child, and an only grandchild, for seven years and she’d got used to being the centre of attention. At two or three years old you take things pretty much in your stride. At seven, you have established routines, you have your own way of doing things, and you don’t always want a baby interrupting that.

After we had told Bee about the new baby, we got a kitten. We thought it might be a nice way for Bee to experience the arrival of an additional family member, that it might teach her to care and be responsible for something helpless.

The best laid plans

Unfortunately, it didn’t quite work out like that. The kitten, who we called Dave, turned out to be a complete psychopath. He would hide behind doors and jumps out at you when you came into a room, attaching himself to your leg with his teeth and claws. He also became extremely territorial around me, demanding my attention, pawing incessantly at my chest, and lashing out at anyone who came near. To be honest, it was probably a very realistic lesson in terms of preparing for a new baby, but it wasn’t the rosy family picture we had been hoping to paint.

Quality time

The important thing, we felt, was to make sure Bee felt included, both before and after her sister was born, and that we spent plenty of time with her, doing things she enjoyed. This did become more difficult once Belle was born, as she was a very demanding and time-consuming baby, but because Bee was at school, I was able to spend the day doing baby things and focus more on Bee when she came home.

Meanwhile, friends were juggling new babies with toddlers, something I wasn’t at all jealous of at the time. Theirs was a constant battle to entertain the two year olds while they fed the babies, a daily crusade to stop the baby being hugged too tight or accidentally smothered with a cushion.

More cake

I on the other hand could happily sit and chat to Bee while I fed Belle, and could rely on her to do helpful things like change the channel on the TV or fetch me more cake.

Of course I paid the price a few years later – when my friends’ children were happily playing together, my ten year old wasn’t quite so enthralled with the idea of entertaining a high-maintenance three year old.

I asked Bee recently how she remembered feeling about the prospect of a new sister. “I was well excited,” she told me, “but then I was seven. I was excited about everything.” Maybe it wasn’t too badly timed after all…

Jo Middleton writes an award-winning blog about the ups and downs of parenting at slummysinglemummy.wordpress.com