Name:  Jo Middleton

Age: 32

Children: Bee (15) and Belle (8)

Lives: Somerset

Likes: Gin & Tonic, Colin Firth, talking to Grown-Ups

Dislikes: Housework, poor spelling, playing 'shops' with children

The son of a close friend of mine had a brilliant line in tantrums when he was about three years old.

He would wait until they were in the middle of the supermarket and then throw himself on the floor screaming. When his Dad tried to pick him up off the floor he would yell “don’t hit me again Daddy!” If you’re looking to be publicly humiliated, you can rely on a toddler.

All eyes on you

When your child has a tantrum in public, you feel like all eyes are on you, that everyone is judging your parenting skills, or rather your lack of them. The truth is though that every parent will understand and empathise with the awfulness of toddler tantrums, and you’re much more likely to attract sympathy than scorn.

What I’ve always tried to bear in mind when either of my children have had tantrums is that they are probably more scared than anything else - the frustration they feel with not being able to control either themselves or their environment must be very frightening for a tiny person.

My youngest daughter Belle has always had a fiery temper, and if things don’t go her way it takes only seconds for her to turn from a sweet angel of a child into an uncontrollable tornado. When she does lose her temper though, I can see the fear in her eyes – she’s angry, she can’t control it, and she’s scared.

Not easy

How I react to tantrums varies hugely. On a good day, when I’m feeling full of patience and motherly love, I offer unconditional hugs and remain completely calm. On a bad day though, if I’m tired, hormonal, or just had my fill of parenting for the day, well, let’s just say I’m not so patient.

The Supernanny in me knows the best thing to do is remain in control, to take myself out of the situation if I need to and to maintain a consistent, calm approach at all times. It’s not always that easy though is it? When you’re faced with a two year screaming uncontrollably just because you suggested they might like to wear a coat in the rain, it can be difficult to cling onto a sense of what is reasonable and rational behaviour. Many times I’ve found myself screaming right back – not very grown up of me I know, but toddlers have an amazing ability to bring you down to their level if you’re not careful.

Quiet time

Mid-tantrum, you’re never going to be able to reason with a child who thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to go shopping with no trousers on. All you can do is ride out the storm. I’ve always found it useful though to take the time once the tantrum has passed to sit down quietly, and talk about what has happened, and to try and get my children to think about why it is important to always leave the house fully clothed. It won’t guarantee they don’t do it again, but it might at least make them think a bit, and you hope the message will sink in over time.

I’m pleased to report we now normally manage to go out with all our clothes on, so I must have done something right…

Jo Middleton writes an award-winning blog about the ups and downs of parenting at slummysinglemummy.wordpress.com