Tantrums while challenging can be diffused (yes even the public embarrassing ones). Here’s what you need to know.
- The best way to curb tantrums is to give your child a feeling of being in control. “Give a choice within a choice”, advises health visitor Emma Leigh, “Say would you like to hold my hand or hold on to the pushchair when we go shopping? Would you like to wear the red t-shirt or the green one? This will give your child a feeling they have some control over the situation and make them less likely to throw wobbly.”
- Don’t take it personally. Remind yourself that a tantrum is not about you it’s about your child being overwhelmed, so hard as it is keep your voice calm and your body language relaxed. Speak in a low voice, don’t try to pick them up (unless they are in danger) and reassure your child that they will be fine. “Naming the emotion can also help here”, says clinical psychologist Linda Blair. “ Say: ‘I know you’re angry/upset because X happened, but you’re okay, we’ll sort it out. Mummy is here’, and they will start to calm down.”
- To solve a tantrum don’t try reasoning. “Trying to approach a child’s rage logically won’t work”, says Emma Leigh. “Toddlers aren’t logical and when they are mid-tantrum so don’t want to talk. Your best bet is to divert their attention away from what’s upsetting them, give them a cuddle (if they’ll let you) and distract them. Luckily they have short attention spans so can be sidetracked easily.”
- Some children do have whoppers when it comes to tantrums and though exhausting aren’t a problem, unless:
- They try to hurt themselves when in a rage – while breath holding, and hitting themselves are common, consult your GP for advice if you’re worried.
- Try to hurt you mid tantrum - always worth talking to your health visitor about in case they hurt siblings or other children
What not to do:
- Don’t get angry too, adding your emotions to the mix will just make the situation worse.
- Don’t punish tantrums – it won’t solve anything. The key is to understand what has triggered the rage and deal with that.
- Don’t think cuddling your child post tantrum is condoning the behaviour. A raging child is upset and overwhelmed and needs comforting by you.
- Don’t worry what other people think, especially in public. They don’t know you or your child.
- Don’t bribe your child out of a tantrum it won’t teach them anything.
