Bounty

Your toddler won’t share! The good news is he’s not selfish or spoilt and he won’t grow up to be antisocial, he’s simply acting his age.

The reality is few children react well when someone else dares to take their things, but don’t give up - there is a way to teach your child the finer points of sharing.

Sharing is a skill a child has to learn

Sharing is very difficult for small children to grasp, mainly because they feel the world is about them - so why should they let another child play with what is obviously theirs? The good news is you can coach your child to share. “Imitation is your best tool,” says clinical psychologist Linda Blair, author of The Happy Child (Piatkus 10.99). “If you make sure you always share with whoever is around, make it clear what you’re doing and ask your partner, friends and family to do it too, your child will see it as a normal thing that everyone does.”

However, she warns there are very distinct stages of child development that will affect your child’s ability to share successfully.

• Between 0 - 1 1/2 years your child is likely to play alone and not understand sharing at all.
• From 2 - 2 1/2 your child will play side by side (parallel play) with another child and with your help can begin to grasp the idea of sharing. 
• From 2 ½ - 3 your child will begin to interact with other children and may share without being encouraged.
• Above 4 - 5 years your child will show a preference for friends and play happily with other children with the concept of sharing becoming more natural.

What’s the best way to teach my child to share with another child?

Aside from imitation and praise for your child when he/she shares, it’s important to assure your child that sharing doesn’t mean giving away a toy forever. Many children think if they share they will never see a toy again. “My best tip” says Emma, 34, mum to Tom 4 years and Sam, 2 years, “is to use a cooking timer to set limits on turns. It works a treat because it gets both children to understand there is an end in sight.” Another good tactic if a child is refusing to share says Helena 32 mum to Sarah 3 and Hannah 20 months is, “is to put the toy in time out (rather than a child) saying no one can play with it until everyone is ready to share. It nearly always gets kids to come around.”

I feel embarrassed because my child won’t share

Hard as it is don’t take it personally. Don’t force him to do it, or punish him, as this won’t teach him anything. Not sharing isn’t a reflection on your parenting or your child’s personality (even if it feels that way). It’s simply a sign your child isn’t at the right stage to share yet.

See also:  how to teach your child to share (right).