The root of anxiety is that life can be unpredictable – people leave, the unexpected happens and people get hurt.

For a young child becoming aware of the world learning this lesson is hard which is why even something as simple as a play-date or a trip to the shops can trigger strong reactions and fear. If you have a very anxious child and you’re worried here’s how you can help.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a sense of worry, nervousness, apprehension and fear that causes distress in a person or child. “As a parent it’s important to understand that between the ages of 3-5 years there is a lot of anxiety in a child’s life”, says clinical psychologist Linda Blair. “This is because they are being introduced into a larger social world where there is a lot of unpredictability and stress and this is hard for them to handle.”

How to spot the signs of anxiety

Anxiety in anxious children is displayed in a number of ways. There are obvious signs of distress such as crying, nervousness, hiding and clinging and the not so obvious freezing/standing still, and staying silent. However, each child is different so you have to watch your child closely to observe what he does differently when he feels anxious.

How to find out what might be causing the anxiety?

Look to see when his anxiety is triggered. Is it a person he doesn’t know, or an event generating his distress or is it something you’re doing i.e. leaving him at nursery, going out at night? Though bear in mind in some children anything that overwhelms their senses such as loud noises, bright lights, a scary book or television programme will make them feel anxious and afraid.

The expert view

“To combat the unpredictability of your child’s world make sure your home life is very predictable and a set routine is in place”, suggests Linda Blair. “If your child always knows what’s coming next he’ll be less anxious.” On top of this make sure you talk to the school, nursery, childminder, so they are aware of what’s happening and can help your child cope when you’re not around. Simple tactics will also help you alleviate your child’s anxiety. However, if your child’s anxiety escalates and lead to him being unable to do everyday things like go to school or be anywhere without you talk to your GP and ask for a referral to a child psychologist who can help you both unravel what’s going on.

How to help your anxious child

1. Cuddle and reassure your child, while acknowledging his fears. Tell him that you understand he’s upset when you leave, but that you’ll always be back. Or that a character in a book was frightening but that it’s not real and can’t touch him.
2. Don’t force your child to overcome his fears. He needs time to build up his confidence, forcing him to sleep in the dark when it makes him anxious only re-enforces his fear.
3. Don’t dismiss his fears. Telling him he’s being ‘silly’ will only add to his anxiety. If he’s anxious about ‘monsters’ – make up a story about how they can only live in books and TV and prove to him that they are definitely not in his room.
4. Encourage him to verbalise his emotions. Finding the right words to describe how he’s feeling can hep a child to feel less anxious.
5. Be a good role model. If you’re anxious and overloaded all the time you’ll show this to your child, and it will make them feel equally anxious even if they don’t understand what they are picking up. Slow down, and schedule less.
6. Be especially conscious about what’s happening in your life. A lack of predictability will always make children more anxious so be aware that a change of routine, a holiday, a house move, or even new working hours will make them feel uneasy. To combat this keep to a good set routine for them and their anxiety will ebb.
7. Always prepare your child if you know situations/people make him anxious. Tell him you’re going to a wedding/birthday party, explain how many people will be there and what will happen and stay with him till he feels confident to wander off on his own.