Every new mum needs at least one partner in baby crime
This is a new friend with a baby of her own who can relate to stories of poo and piles and totally gets why you’re jumping around like a loony because your baby just cracked that first smile or slept more than four hours straight.
At a glance
- Meeting other mums in the same position will help you all feel more normal
- You can meet new friends at classes and play groups
- You may even make friendships online
She won’t judge when you turn up in the same pair of puke covered jeans for the third day in a row and you won’t even bat an eyelid when she starts go a little mad because she’s had more than a few sleepless nights.
While your pre-baby friends may tire of your continuing commentary of your baby’s developments, your new BFF will delight in these stories and share hers too. You’ll probably also find she’s the one you talk to when you have those concerns that your baby isn't crawling or said their first word yet and will be happy to swap the pub for soft-play.
You may have sworn before your baby came along that you wouldn't ever be one of those mums who formed relationships just because you had a baby in common, but finding the right mum friend means that although you may initially bond because you both have babies, you’ll also have lots more to share as you get to know each other. And although many of your dates may be spent at play groups you’ll also find that a night down the pub – while those little cherubs are in bed – won’t be awkward.
Finding mum mates
One way to find those perfect friends is to think about the process as though you’re looking to meet a potential partner. Just swap those bars for mum and baby groups and those online dating sites for mummy forums.
It’s totally normal to feel nervous and shy when approaching new mums but remember many are in the same situation as you and are probably using these groups as a way to make friends too.
There's a range of places where you can take your baby to have fun and a place for you to meet mums in the same boat. If you’re new to the area then ask your health visitor who can give you a list of local baby groups, while the NHS offers post-natal classes and groups. Many areas also have a range of local mother and baby groups and coffee mornings, while activities such as baby massage, signing, yoga and music classes are also great places to meet that new BFF.
The first time you go to any class you may find that many mums already know each other. Although this can be daunting, give it a few tries before deciding the group isn't for you.
The ‘chat up line’
Your baby will probably do the introductions for you at most classes and that smile will probably be enough for another mum to strike up a conversation about her little one. However, one fail safe line that many mums swear by is the simple ‘how old is your baby?’ or ‘your baby is gorgeous’- we're all suckers for that one.
Others recommend the comedic approach. Having a little joke about your baby’s wind or needing that huge cup of coffee on offer can be great ways to show you’re open and ready to have a giggle. You’ll find the mums who respond to these jokes are probably the same ones on your wavelength.
Don’t expect to gel with every mum you meet, just like in a normal world some may just not be your cup of tea.
If you find you do bond with a few mums then don’t be afraid about being forward, suggest meeting for a coffee or offer your email to arrange a play date.
If you're still finding your feet and not ready to face the physical mummy world then forums are a great place to build up your confidence, talk about anything that's worrying you and find people in your area.