Make your honeymoon last and reignite your relationship
The relationship hacks you need to get your relationship back on track after baby arrives
Ways to bring back the honeymoon phase – revisit your relationship back to when everything was new, and you and your partner were crazy about each other.
Once, you’d have walked over broken glass to see your partner and walked on air every time you did. You were Prince and Princess Charming to each other and you thought you’d live happily ever after. Now the honeymoon is over, a baby has arrived and your love-life may well be on hold, or in a rut. But there is no reason to despair.
However wonderful the early days of your relationship seemed, they were only that good because you were both making the effort to please each other. Make the same effort again, and the honeymoon can come back.
Many of us have high, often unrealistic expectations of what to expect from a partner and what we might also be required to put into a relationship. Once the honeymoon is over and the glow fades, more and more people see a solution in reaching for a new relationship rather than working at the old one.
But the truth is that, whatever century we are in, whatever our age or gender or sexual orientation, most of us want to find and keep one special person. We long for one relationship that will last, with someone whom we can trust, rely on and love with a passion. We want a best friend who can also be a best lover. But we also want the special glow that surrounds the early days of a love affair to continue. Are length of service and passion mutually exclusive? Does excitement only go hand in hand with newness and mystery? Will it always fade as two people become used to each other?
Most counsellors and sexual relationship experts will tell you that contrary to some of the myths, an old lover and an old love are infinity superior to the new. One reason is that familiarity, far from breeding contempt, creates deeper trust and openness. You would hesitate to tell someone new a sex fantasy that really turns you on. Yet, you’d find it far easier to disclose your secret desires to someone who loves you, makes you feel safe and who has seen you at your worst - and still comes back for more!
So how can you keep that loving feeling? With a new baby having arrived, you’re at a transitional point in your relationship – in other words, a time when you have to accept and make changes. One change may be to revitalise and give your sex life a boost.
You can do this by:
- Reminding each other what got you going about each other in the early days of your relationship. Were there favourite sexual positions, favourite times to make love, favourite clothes or music that lit your fire? Talk them over and repeat them!
- Trying something new. Were there things you’ve always meant to ask for or try but never got round to it? Make it a game – “What I’d like is…” - and go turn and turn about.
- Be spontaneous. With a new baby around, too many partners tell themselves “Not now – we need to be responsible!” when the urge strikes. Give in to the urge! Put baby in a safe place and make your move or respond to your partner’s move.
- Be proactive. Decide “Tonight’s the night!” and let your partner know that’s how you feel – say so, text or message or call. Make that commitment and follow through, no matter what.