sex and relationships

Make a sex list

How a sex list can help you rekindle intimacy once baby has arrived

Create your own sex list

Try a sex list to get what you both want as partners

Sex list 474

There's no doubt that after having a baby the thought of a sex life is as far down the priority list as it's ever been. Let's face it, after a delivery, whether vaginal or caesarean, you may feel sore and your partner may fear causing pain and discomfort aside from the fact you have no sex drive.

It may be a good few months before you feel ready to rekindle your sex life, but for some it can be longer. Whenever you're ready to resume a sex life, here's some ideas to kick start it.

How about a sex list? When the time's right for you and your partner write down the ten things you’d really like your partner to do for you, romantically or sexually. Your requests can range from “Tell me how nice I look” or “Say you love me” to “Spend at least ten minutes stroking my nipples” and “Let’s try some oral sex or introduce a sex toy”. Ask your partner to come up with a list for themselves, and then do one each for each other.  

And to help give you the inspiration one of these might help you need to reignite your physical love:  
Try a new lovemaking position

When you are ready to embark on lovemarking, try a different sexual position to give you more than a fresh view. Some sexual positions - particularly women-on-top and on all-fours - are especially good for female sexual pleasure. When she’s in the driving seat, she can vary the angle of penetration, the depth and speed of thrusts to ensure her own satisfaction. If he’s entering from behind, both partners can use their fingers to caress her to make sure she is aroused and satisfied. He benefits too - both positions are far less tiring for the man, so he can keep going longer. And after birth and during breastfeeding, positions that take pressure off her such as ‘spooning’ (both facing in same directions, him behind) all fours and on top can be far more comfortable.  

Try a new place or time

Love lives can get stuck in a rut if you always know where and when - in bed, after lights out - you’re going to make love. But being a little daring and different can work wonders. If you have a garden, sneak out on a summer's evening and make love in the open air, under the stars. If you don’t, take a day-trip to somewhere wild and remote. Or try the delights of the kitchen table, living room floor, bathroom or stairs. Set your clock an hour early and try an early morning kiss-and-cuddle or have a siesta mid-morning or afternoon.   

Slow, Slow, Quick, Quick, Slow

There are times when long, slow lovemaking is best. But in the early days of your relationship, there might have been times when you were craving it and couldn’t wait. Recapture the excitement of the honeymoon phase by giving in to impulse and having the occasional quickie. If you would like to make love, but hesitate, telling yourself “We’re just about to go out/ we’ve just got home/ should be making a meal - we’ll do it later”, hold that thought. Half the time, you won’t, and the moment will pass. So, make love now. 

Suzie Hayman headshot

Bounty “Sex & Relationship” articles are written by expert Suzie Hayman. Suzie is agony aunt for Woman magazine, a Relate trained counsellor, and an accredited TripleP (Positive Parenting Programme) parenting educator.  She makes frequent appearances on TV and radio and as well as writing 31 books, Suzie writes features on parenting, relationships, sex and couples counselling, for a wide range of national magazines and newspapers

Make a sex list